You don’t believe in nostalgia. Forward motion is more your speed. But sometimes you just get to thinking about high school. About driving fast with the windows down on one of those streets where the traffic lights start blinking yellow at 9 p.m. Maybe there’s a girl next to you, more likely she’s just in your head. Looking back, some events are worse than you thought — that time your best friend got punched in the stomach by that mean girl and instead of standing up for her, you laughed because you were afraid.
Other moments, though devastating, now seem imbued with the ping of real feeling somehow absent from your workaday life. Like when you sat in the backseat ignoring your jerky date and watched the girl you loved kiss her new boyfriend. How you closed your eyes when their lips met and imagined yourself in his place. Sometimes, remembering all that, you start composing a list of all those crushes you only sort of knew you had.
Your gym teacher. The one who refers to her significant other as “they.”
The sweet redhead who’s always hugging all the other girls but no one dares say a word about it because she has a new boyfriend every week.
That girl whose hippie mom packs hard boiled eggs in her lunch. No idea why.
The Raver girl with the dog collar and sparkly black lipstick who kissed you on a dare.
The Captain of the football team. It’s totally normal to want to BE your crush, right?
The cornsilk-haired girl with the home-school-hemmed jeans. She’s a dead ringer for Quinn or maybe Brittany; like Santana, you don’t discriminate — you just like the blondes.
That 23-year old teacher with the choppy blond hair cut. She smiles when you tell her you applied to Bryn Mawr. “I think you’ll like it there,” she says.
The Drama Geek who makes Anne Hathaway look self-contained .
That popular chick who snapped your bra so hard it left a mark. But you liked it, didn’t you?
The foreign exchange student. Everyone else makes fun of her purple turtlenecks but you think she’s exotic.
Your best friend. Because you’re just like every other lesbian.