Hey there cutie pies! This week I received a lot of really good questions, please take a peek and let me know how you think my advice holds up! Thank you so much for reading, and as always keep the questions coming, I’ll do my best to answer you.
Dont Want to be a Wimp
OK, so here is my question! I am very close with my mother and father and they are both really open and accepting people. The thing is, I am still afraid to tell them that I am gay. Last week my mother asked me if I would be bringing a boy home for the holidays this year and she seemed really excited about the idea. I have been secretly seeing a girl now for over seven months and we are really getting along well. I have tossed the idea of introducing her to my parents around for weeks but am finding myself feeling nauseous and my palms start sweating when I try to imagine how it will go down. The worst part about it is I think I am doing this all to myself. I really think my parents will be alright with it — it’s just, what if they are not? What would you do in my situation and how would you handle this? I don’t want to be such a wimp, but I just don’t know how else to feel. Thanks — Gloria
So my ex-girlfriend of three and a half years broke up with me about five months ago to be with another woman she had only known for a few months. For about three months after the break up, I was a mess — a complete disaster. She would ignore my calls, texts, everything. And when she started to post up new things about her new relationship online, I had decided it was time to move on. So I started going out every weekend, weeknights if I could. I’ve met new people and made GREAT friends. I’ve also met this one woman in particular who had just gone through the same thing as me. Her ex-girlfriend of four years had broken up with her about a month ago to be with an old girlfriend. With that being said, it gave us a lot to talk about and eventually, we realized that we have so much in common. It has been two months since I met her. We are both still single, but we do have feelings for each other. We could care less about the other girls that try to catch our attention. I guess you can say we somewhat act as if we are a couple, but we’re not. We are just really good friends who are slowly falling for each other and who are honest about it. So honest, that we both agreed it is just not the right time to be “official” only because we are still in love with our exes. We were hurt so badly by them, and it would just be cruel to treat each other like a “rebound.” We both realized that we might have been the “better halves” in our past relationship. We are both highly trustworthy and faithful. Yet, we are so scared that we could be wrong about each other. So we agreed to remain friends until we finally gain the courage and strength to trust and love again. She’s met my family and I am slowly getting to know hers. We hang out with the same crowd so it makes it a lot easier to bond.
I’m falling for her, Alyssa. But in “love”? I’m scared to even write the word. She is such an amazing, beautiful woman. I’d be lucky to have her. And she said she’s be lucky to have me too. But we are just so scared to get hurt again. With all these feelings rushing through me. A few weeks ago, my ex-girlfriend got back in contact with me. We’ve been catching up. I have not brought our situation from the past because I feel like I am making such a great progress in moving on. But as for my ex, she’s been telling me that she has not stopped thinking about me. She still loves me and misses me. She broke up with that girl she left me for about a month ago. She feels ashamed of what she did. She sometimes catches herself wishing she had never left me. But even though she broke up with that girl, she still talks to her, sees her. And now she wants to see me. She did admit that she is not ready to get back with me. But she does want to start things slow and see where it takes us. I haven’t told her about the woman I am currently interested in. She doesn’t need to know. But I did tell her that I do not want to be treated like a toy. She wants to be able to hang out with me on day and the other girl the next day. I do not deserve that. But I still love her very much.
Basically, I am falling for someone who is falling for me, too, and I would love to see where this goes, but my ex wants to try and take things slow with me and see if we can bring back what we had. Alyssa, please, what would you do? Rekindle an old flame or spark up something new that could possibly be better? Looking forward to your answer — Brittany S.
Do I or Do I or Do I?
Hello there Alyssa,
OK, so here is my question, I hope that you can answer. I have NEVER been with a woman before. In fact, I have a son and have been married before, to a man, but recently we split up. When we were together, my husband and I, he always wanted us to have a threesome. I was very against it, but mostly because I was very intrigued by it and was afraid that I might like it. The thought scared me.
Last month I was at my friends art opening and while I was fixing my shoe in the ladies’ room, my friend’s date came into the bathroom. It was a small bathroom and a tight squeeze into the stall past the vanity, as she passed by me into the stall she smiled at me and then she leaned over and gave me a kiss. It wasn’t a make out, but it was a sweet, small kiss, followed by a stare that lasted forever — or maybe only one second, I have no idea. At dinner after the show me, my date, my friend and his date were all sitting around eating and chatting, but everything around me was muffled, all I could think about was this woman. I honestly don’t remember a thing from that night other than her, her brown eyes, the shape of her mouth, the way her hair was curled in different directions. I sound like a creep. I tried to forget about the entire thing, but yesterday my friend told me his date from the art show a few weeks ago, wanted my number because she told him she thought I was interesting and wanted to hang out with me since she was new to Los Angeles.
I’ve read your past columns and I remember a piece that you once wrote to a younger girl about how not to put labels on yourself, so I’m trying to not put the cart before the horse and assume I know anything about my sexuality, but at this point I keep asking myself, should I, or should I? I feel like I already know what I want to do, but I think I just need someone to tell me to do it too. Sincerely — Lina