The Re-View: Guns, fake legs and Blanche

It’s time for another “re-view,” an attempt to capture the jollity of four groovy chicks sitting around a table. (Remember, dialogue is not exact.)

The View on April 18th: In which not one, but three books are promoted.

That’s right: This episode featured three people pushing their latest published works. That can’t be a good sign, can it? Even if one of them is Rue McClanahan.

The Hot Topics aren’t so hot today because Elisabeth Hasselbeck is out. Aisha Tyler is the guest co-host, but I don’t think she’s likely to spar with Rosie.

Aisha talks about the Glamour photo shoot she did recently, in which she is nude. No, it’s not porn; everything’s tastefully covered. It’s one of those “we love our bodies” photo shoots, and really, if you had Aisha’s body, wouldn’t you love it too?

Speaking of bodies, Rosie has lost a few pounds on her I-don’t-want-to-look-like-Tony-Soprano diet. She even took the stairs up to the studio, says Barbara. But Barbara’s worried that Rosie is really giving in — this week, Rosie said she’s no longer going to try to fight the gun lobby, and she doesn’t think we’ll ever have sensible gun control in the U.S.

Rosie does speak up a little, but she admits she feels defeated. Don’t let them win, Ro!

They talk about the crazy people who think more guns are the answer. Rosie says the NRA is so very powerful, you can’t cross them or they’ll take you down.

Aisha: We’re not gonna take it anymore.

Oh no, we ain’t gonna take it!

Rosie says she used to sort of have a fantasy about being a sort of superhero, but now she knows there is no Justice League and she’ll have to focus on other things like reforming foster care and ensuring the troops get good medical coverage. What? There is no Justice League?? You’d better hope there is, if you’re going to take on those Herculean tasks. Er, those Justice-Leaguean tasks.

Joy says the Republicans have to be the ones who bring about change where guns are concerned. OK, but not if it means Dick Cheney is going to don a cape.

Rosie starts to bash Fox news, which really isn’t very fair because Elisabeth isn’t there to defend it. But I think we can safely assume that Rosie isn’t really going to silence herself after all. I mean, she just said "right-wing propaganda," which isn’t exactly polite conversation.

The conversation turns back to Imus; Joy doesn’t think he would have gotten in trouble if he’d said “nappy-headed hos” this week because there’s so much other news to cover. Everyone agrees.

Rosie: [to Aisha] Aren’t there more important issues for black people?
Aisha: [mocking] Well, as spokeswoman for all the black people everywhere …

Heh. That’s funny. Too bad you undid it right away by misusing the word penultimate. Way to represent, Aisha!

After the break, they discuss the most recent episode of Dancing With the Stars, in which Heather Mills took a little tumble.


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Joy thinks it may have been intentional.

Joy: What better way to get the public to love you than to dance with a fake leg?

Joy. Ha ha! This is exactly why you’re on my fantasy dinner party guest list. You and John Waters and the Clintons. But mostly you.

Rosie says she prefers political conspiracies to fixed-TV-show conspiracies. I’m just glad Sanjaya’s finally off American Idol.

Aisha says she’s going to ring the NASDAQ closing bell today. Everyone else talks about the weird experience of ringing the NYSE bell while all the stockbrokers are running around. Rosie does a pretty good impression of a stockbroker. Thankfully, it doesn’t involve any “languages” or “accents.”

Speaking of cultural insensitivity, the conversation turns to Richard Gere and his ridiculous public display of affection in India. Barbara doesn’t understand how he could have been so foolish, considering he’s been to India several times.

Joy: I’d just like to mention that the Indians are very nice people.
Rosie: Most humans are just like us. Only they live in other countries.

It sounds dorky, but it’s kind of a nice sentiment. It’s not a great song, though.

After the commercial, I confirm for myself that Craig Ferguson is just not very appealing, not even in fast-forward.

Deirdre Imus, who was booked on the show way before her husband stuck both feet in his mouth, does a little segment about “green” cleaning. Whoa: She has scary, sunken eyes just like her husband does. They’re the Skeletor family!

Deirdre shows them how to make some sachets to use in closets and drawers instead of mothballs. Barbara briefly travels back to 1863:

Barbara: But do they really keep the moths out of your handkerchiefs? Oh, mercy me!

She says this compeletely seriously. Come on, Barbara, you’re not that old. You even looked kinda hot when you showed up in a sleeveless shirt on Rosie’s video blog the other day.

After the break, Rue McClanahan drops by to talk about her book, My First Five Husbands … and the Ones Who Got Away. Gosh, I didn’t realize Rue was playing herself all those years when she was Blanche on The Golden Girls. Right after I think that to myself, someone says it, and Rue does her little joke about all the things she has in common with Blanche.

Rue: Well, Blanche was an oversexed, self-involved, man-crazy, vain Southern belle from Atlanta — and I’m not from Atlanta!

Groan. I rue the day you first said that, Rue. And every day you’ve said it since, which, judging by your perfectly timed wink, is many, many days indeed.

They talk about Rue’s breast cancer scare, and then that’s about it for this episode. Elisabeth, please come back: The show is a little boring without you. And Rosie, let me implore you again: Don’t give up! Don’t give in!

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