You know how Charlize Theron and Naya Rivera have auctioned off kisses for charity? Well celebrities seem to be up for just about anything when it comes to getting our money for a good cause. A new site called Charity Bribes takes suggestions from those who would be bidding on a certain celeb doing something crazy in the name of philanthropy. (Current suggestions include “Get the Cast of The Wonder Years to reenact a famous scene” for the United Way and “Get Celine Dion to sing ‘I Want Your Sex’ by George Michael” for Cystic Fibrosis Quebec.) Ali Davis said we should come up with some ideas of our own, and here’s what we’d donate to.
Bridget McManus: I want Suze Orman to spend 24 hours straight at a high roller’s blackjack table at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. All of Orman’s winnings will go towards Downtown’s Women’s Center (a program for homeless women in Los Angeles) but if Orman loses she has to give DWC the book rights to The Money Class.
“Hit me, girlfriend!”
Lucy Hallowell: I would like to bribe Rachel Maddow to interview all of her guests for a night with questions spoken in rhyming verse. She would not be able to explain to the guests why the questions sounded like something out of Dr. Seuss. Extra challenge would be for her to get through the night without cracking up as she poses questions to bewildered folks like Dick Cheney. “Mr. Cheney, I was worried about your condition/ But better you got/ Now you’re on the spot/ You and I let’s talk ’bout rendition.”
All proceeds go to Wounded Warrior Project or other veteran charity of Maddow’s choosing.
Ali Davis: I’d try to get k.d. lang to do a performance of “Get Some” for the Gibbon Conservation Center. But every time she says “You’re given” or “You’re giving,” she should change it to “You’re a gibbon.”
“Go on, get some / Take all that you’re a gibbon”
If I could do a side bribe to try to get Ellen to invent and perform a banana dance during the song without getting caught, so much the better.
Marcie Bianco: I’d choose whichever lesbian couple is the wealthiest and I’d bribe them (with name your lechery here) to contribute to the charity known as My Soul Crushing Graduate Debt Relief Fund.
Heather Hogan: My celesbian choice is Pretty Little Liars‘ showrunner/writer Marlene King. And my bribe would be for her to pen an AU episode of the show based on the top five shenanigans as voted on by AfterEllen.com readers. So Hanna and Emily admitting their true love maybe. And Ezra Fitz finally coming out as a lesbian. And, like, Spencer Hastings getting drunk and reading the phone book or something in that insanely sexy rasp she gets when she’s trolleyed. All proceeds going to The Trevor Project.
“Emily, I know you have 700 girlfriends, but is there room for me in your heart?”
Trish Bendix: I’d donate a paycheck to see Ellen DeGeneres, Rachel Maddow, Kate Moennig and Ellen Page perform a choreographed routine, boy band style. I’m thinking Color Me Badd‘s “I Wanna Sex You Up” would be a good choice, and all proceeds will benefit the National Center for Lesbian Rights.
“Come inside, take off your coat/I’ll make you feel at home.”
Who would you bribe, and what would you want them to do?