Gay Girl’s Goggles: “The Secret Circle” SnapCap (1.04)

 
 

When only four percent of scripted TV shows feature LGBT characters, what’s a gay girl to do? Why, strap on your gay goggles and watch TV along with us, of course! Our handy appraisal scale is better than any old letter grade. Other sites A+. We say, “What about our lezzy-lady feelings?”

Danger, Britt Robertson! Yeah, I know Britt is the actress and Cassie’s the character. Let me have my fun, because this week’s The Secret Circle was some scary s–t. Remember last week when hairy Zach said that what Amelia Blake did to her friend Heather was “worse than death?” He wasn’t lying. Heather has been catatonic for 16 years — since The Accident. And Cassie, with a few weeks of witch training under her belt, decides to find her and fix it. You’re cute, Cassie, but common sense is not your strong suit.


AFTERELLEN BAIT

Well, we finally found out why lesbians and witches go together: If you have witchy power, you can look at a girl’s shirt and say “Open” – and it totally will.

Excuse me while I go check out the library’s entire collection on witchcraft.

All of the fire between Cassie and Faye melted into pure Chamberlake hotness this week. Cassie was pouting in the Secret Circle clubhouse because Diana and Adam wouldn’t help her. Faye smiles, “Try me.” And then the magic happens. OK, we didn’t get beyond subtext, but seriously — what’s a healthy fandom to think when, after their spell for Heather appears to fail, Faye looks at Cassie and says, “How about we go back to your place? I say I’ve earned a peek, wouldn’t you?”


I think we’ve all earned a peek.

FEELINGS, FEELINGS, FEELINGS!

Did I mention that this ep was some scary s–t? When Cassie goes to check out the chick who hasn’t moved in 16 years, she grabs her arm! Primary feeling: Wet my pants. But that’s just the first fright. Cassie and Faye go do a spell to wake up Heather and nothing seems to happen — until they are just about to start a pillow fight at Cassie’s. Knock on the door — nobody’s there. Because the killer is in the house!


Why doesn’t Cassie scream for help? See previous note about no common sense. Heather knocks out Cassie and goes for Faye — who is trapped! Next door, Nick and Melissa are getting it on with the windows open and see Faye struggling. They rush over and Heather gets away! Heather has a Final Destination encounter with an oncoming car (splat!), and the demon crawls out of her and into Nick’s jacket! Then later, when Nick and Melissa are asleep, it crawls into Melissa’s ear! I don’t know about you, but I’m wearing earplugs to bed from now on. As if I will ever sleep again.

MOMENTS OF FAYE

Faye and Sidekick Melissa remind me a little of Santana and Brittany except without the sweet lady kisses. Faye has always bossed Melissa around, but now Mel’s getting some self-confidence. And Faye doesn’t like it one bit. Good thing she has Cassie to distract her. The best Moment of Faye this episode was her soliloquy to Melissa after again failing to open her locker with magic:

I hate this binding stuff. What’s the point of being a damn witch if I can’t do any magic by myself? I might as well become a cheerleader. Why can’t it be fun, like that movie The Craft? I mean the first half, not the stuff with snakes. The part where we put spells on boys, change our hair color and levitate. We should practice later.

THE FOREBODING

The Secret Circle is finding out that this whole witchcraft thing is about more than opening lockers and blouses — not that there’s anything wrong with that. The Accident was, according to Heather, caused by demons. “Wherever witches are, evil follows.” The demons, it seems, summoned the parent’s circle to the boathouse and caused the fire. Amelia tried to stop them, but one got into Heather. The only way Amelia could bind it was by putting Heather into a coma. I hope that doesn’t mean they have to do the same thing to Melissa; I’m just beginning to like her.

One thing is really bugging me. The Accident was 16 years ago. Each of the Secret Circle kids lost one parent — four were moms. The kids are 16. Huh? Plus, Heather said that Cassie was a baby at the time, which totally doesn’t make sense. Even if that was the lying demon talking, where exactly did those kids come from? Help me out here, people — math puzzles give me a headache.

What did you think of this week’s episode of The Secret Circle? Have you been double-checking the locks on your doors? And did you recognize the actress who played Heather from The L Word? (Hint: She appeared twice as different characters — once in a very memorable scene and once not so much.) First correct ID of actress and character/scene wins our deepest admiration.

 
 

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