Gay Girl’s Goggles: “Charlie’s Angels” SnapCap (1.03)

 
 

When only four percent of scripted TV shows feature LGBT characters, what’s a gay girl to do? Why, strap on your gay goggles and watch TV along with us, of course! Our handy appraisal scale is better than any old letter grade. Other sites A+. We say, “What about our lezzy-lady feelings?”

“Bon voyage, Angels” was still cringe-worthy on several levels, but the dialogue delivery was less wooden and the story was pretty intense and the editing was slick, and, well, there was finally some subtext to cling to. And you know how I feel about that.

AFTERELLEN BAIT

I knew it! I knew if I stuck around long enough, Charlie’s Angels wouldn’t be able to keep itself from going all lesbian subtext on me! I mean, what the actual hell was that between Eve and Kate? One second they’re on opposite sides of the bed, eye-f–king each other like there’s no tomorrow, and then Eve follows Kate to her post-mission rendezvous where they eye-f–k some more and giggle about how they’ll always believe in each other. Like at one point, Eve even drops her eyelashes in that way girls do and goes, “Do you want to get some dinner?” I swear to Charlie, I thought they were going to go full-on Angel-snog right there in that abandoned building.

FEELINGS, FEELINGS, FEELINGS!

I’m one of those easy gays who believes a few moments of potential lady-lovin’ covers a multitude of sins, and it’s a good thing, because I am still not feeling the feelings Charlie’s Angels wants me to feel. I mean, Charlie’s Angels does want me to feel something, right? Besides secondhand embarrassment at the corniest dialogue to ever be spoken aloud on broadcast TV? They’re doing a good job developing the Angels’ relationships with each other, and like I’ve said one gazillion times before, that’s going to be the key to the pathos of this show. As the chemistry between the three leads gets better and better, I think it’ll make a real difference because the writing kind of suuuucks.

GRRL POWER

And speaking of writing, I think these guys are just accidentally defying the Bechdel Test every week, but even if it’s not on purpose, it’s a real treat to watch women talking about something besides boys, boys, boys. And this week’s episode featured some serious ass-kickage. In fact, the last ten minutes was nothing but women beating the s–t out of men three times their size. I particularly liked the way Minka Kelly smirked her way through her fisticuffs with her baddie. He was shoving her face into the ground and punching her in the head and she was just, like, waiting for the right moment to slash him in half with a shovel. As much as I roll my eyes at Charlie’s Angels, it really does get my adrenaline pumping. I love to see women going kung-fu.

EYE ROLLS OF EPIC EPICNESS

Instead of bitching about the insane dialogue, I’ve decided to count down the worst one-liners of the week, so we can giggle about them together.

5) “Carlton Finch.” “With a name like that, he’s gotta be bad news.” (What? What does that even mean?)

4) “Last time she broke a story, she broke you along with it.” (That’s Abby channeling Gossip Girl again.)

3) “This is the face of 21st century drug addiction.” (No one talks like that. Not even comic book villains.)

2) “I caught you … putting on lipstick.” (It’s like the writers have never even seen a spy movie before. You don’t need to talk over the tension where the bad guy discovers the good guy doing something … innocuous. We all know what’s going on. We’ve seen TV before.)

1) And finally, the most eye-rolling moment of the whole episode: Barrels of generic poison just sitting out in the open labeled “POISON!”

I thought “Bon voyage, Angels” was a marked improvement over the previous two episodes. How are you feeling about Charlie’s Angels? Did you dial in on the subtext between Eve and Kate? What was your favorite cringe-worthy line of the night?

 
 

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