Gay Girl’s Goggles: “Charlie’s Angels” SnapCap (1.02)

 
 

When only four percent of scripted TV shows feature LGBT characters, what’s a gay girl to do? Why, strap on your gay goggles and watch TV along with us, of course! Our handy appraisal scale is better than any old letter grade. Other sites A+. We say, “What about our lezzy-lady feelings?”
 

Last night, I had a grand epiphany while watching the second episode of Charlie’s Angels. For one thing, I was like, “All of Abby’s lines sound like they’ve been written by Gossip Girl.” Not by Gossip Girl‘s writers, but by actual Gossip Girl. I mean, I know we’ve only known Abby like 90 minutes, but doesn’t this sound exacly like the kind of thing she’d say: “Poor Little Orphan Jenny. Looks like she needs a Daddy Warbucks. But Daddy Warbucks don’t grow on trees. At least not a tree in Brooklyn.” Like, just, what? What does that even mean? And the second thing, obviously, is that Minka Kelly is Leighton Meester‘s doppleganger.

Why does that matter, you ask? Because I love Gossip Girl and it is one of the most ridiculous things in the history of television. But it’s glorious if you just accept it for what it is.

Meanwhile, Charlie’s Angels makes about as much sense as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest, but I think if I can just accept that and roll with it, this show could give me a lot of laughs. Some laughs with it, and a lot of laughs at it. And anyway, everyone needs a Sunday night drinking game, right?

AFTERELLEN BAIT

There was a white hot second last night when I thought they were going there with the lesbian thing. This week’s mystery was a missing model, so the Angels had to infiltrate the world of models. So Abby’s undercover, playing a model down on her luck, right? And here comes Eve, storming across the beach lugging a suitcase of Abby’s s–t, hollering about how she’s got to move out. I was all, “Oh, man, they’re pretending to be a couple, and then Abby is going to seek lesbian comfort in the arms of this lesbian model!” But no, it was just a roommate situation. (Boooo!)

The hook for me is going to be ass-kicking (see below), and the girls’ relationships with each other. Their chemistry was much better this week, and if they can pull through with some believable friendship shenanigans, then, I’ll buy it. I mean, the show passes the Bechdel Test, and that’s not actually a very common thing.

FEELINGS, FEELINGS, FEELINGS!

OK, so here’s the thing: I kind of think it was a misstep to use the pilot to introduce Eve to the group. It kind of makes the already flat dialogue even flatter. Like, when Abby is on her way to meet up with The Bad Guy, Charlie goes, “Be careful.” And Abby’s like, “The Angels have got my back.” And Eve’s literally says, “Always.” Always. Since seven days ago. I’m a total sucker for BFFS FOREVER, and I should be feeling more of that for these Angels. I will in time, I’m sure. I hope. Also, Minka Kelly — God bless her beautiful face — was at it again with that bizarro line delivery. When she found the dead body wrapped in shrink wrap in the bathtub, she calls out, “Hey, you guys! Come here!” the way you do when you want to share an ice cream with someone. I make a bigger deal than that when I find a spider in my house.

GRRL POWER

Top marks this week for Abby beating down that asshat in the bathroom and then disarming him with, like, her pinky finger. And for their unorthodox interrogation technique in the bathroom. It’s the first interesting thing Kate’s done, and I love how bored and unmoved Abby and Rachel were by the whole thing. Actually, Kate shot a sniper in the chest, too, didn’t she? More of that kind of stuff, and I think I could really learn to love this show.

TRAINWRECKAGE

Honestly, last week I felt like this thing was going to drive itself off a cliff, but it really didn’t. It’s not speeding away from the promise of fiery wreckage just yet, but at least it has put on the brakes a little bit. And anyway, Minka Kelly’s smile covers a multitude of sins.

What did you think of the second episode of Charlie’s Angels? Is it doing it for you? What would make it better?

 
 

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