Gay Girl’s Goggles: “30 Rock” SnapCap (6.10) – “Alexis Goodlooking and the Case of the Missing Whisky”

When only four percent of scripted TV shows feature LGBT characters, what’s a gay girl to do? Why, strap on your gay goggles and watch TV along with us, of course! Our handy appraisal scale is better than any old letter grade. Other sites A+. We say, “What about our lezzy-lady feelings?”

I know I was supposed to see some message about the inherent creepiness of adult men wanting to find women to have relationships with who are just like their mother from last night’s episode, but what I really took away from it was that Liz Lemon likes gay centaur kissing porn. Frank’s girlfriend/old pedophile Lynn (played by Susan Sarandon, reprising her guest starring role from a year ago in a nice bit of continuity) is back. Though she prefers the term “adultaphobe.” Seems Frank and Lynn have been hiding their grown-up students, ex-con teacher relationship from Frank’s mother, Sylvia (played by Patti LuPone, also reprising her role from a year ago) all this time. So Frank again pretends Liz is his girlfriend. Which, let’s all be honest, is really gross. But, hey, at least Liz got some “IKEA good” meatballs out of the deal.

AFTERELLEN BAIT

It’s going to take a very long time and many scalding hot showers to get the image of Liz eating cold cuts out of Frank’s mouth out of my head. Shudder. Thank heavens Jenna was there too to show us that, like every blond actress in the business, she filmed a pilot about a tough, but pretty lady cop with special abilities. Hers was called Goodlooking and she played Alexis Goodlooking, who was also good looking. And her special ability was being good at looking for clues.

FEELINGS, FEELINGS, FEELINGS!

So, here’s a question, has Liz now officially graduated out of her role as Jack’s protégé? While the Jack-Liz relationship has been one of mentor and mentee, this season Liz has found a new success (her big new contract), new stability (her boyfriend Criss) and a new stalker (new page Hazel — Kristen Schaal – is coming back, right?). So now Jack has turned his attention and considerable business expertise on Kenneth. He’s found the former page a job in Standards & Practices and he is coaching him on how to crush people — other than accused witches. But then, he tries to stop Kenneth from following in his cold-blooded corporate footsteps. But is it too late? And has Liz really outgrown Jack’s help?

MAKING LEMON-ADE

You know what? I think Liz may have indeed outgrown much of Jack’s help. Because here she is solving her own problems as well as other people’s problems. She helped Sylvia, Frank and Lynn realize that like “veal, fennel, lemon, cheese and pork,” some crazy things just go well together. And she’s also filled with sage revelations. Like that living a lie will eat you up inside, like that parasite she got from eating sushi on Amtrak. And that p.s. I Love You is so sad because “no one should have to be married to Gerard Butler — or Hilary Swank.” Though, she did learn one new thing from someone else this week — namely that “the best thing for a fever is food, wine and cheek pinching.”

HEY, NERDS!

Jenna and Tracy try to solve the mystery of who stole Pete’s good birthday whisky by using their respective histories playing pretty police detectives and “a wise black fellow who gets reluctant white people to do things.” But it’s not much of a mystery because it was the writers, who just wanted to get out of hanging with Pete and hearing his Phil Donahue sighting story. Still, the episode’s biggest coup was having Sarandon and LuPone back on the show, even if they were appearing on a network that legal says can no longer use the words “hit,” “great show,” fun” or “broadcast television.”

So, what do you think of this wiser, but still plenty weird Liz Lemon? Also, am I the only one who wants to Google “male centaurs kissing” now? You know, just for a movie I’m researching — I swear.