Whenever I see someone with
one of those “Kill Your Television” bumper stickers, I feel two distinct
emotions. One, shut up, Smuggy McSmugerson. I bet you don’t read the
copies of The New Yorker in your bathroom either. And two, yeah, sometimes
I do feel like taking a 12-gauge to the old idiot box. This year I got
my usual mix of joy and pain from my television. The highs were so very
fantastic. The lows so very sucktastic. Here’s a rundown of my top and bottom
five TV shows for 2007.
Five I Loved:
1) 30 Rock: Everything about
this show, well, rocks. It’s smart, funny, geeky and good to the gays
— just like its creator, Tina Fey. She is the antidote to the mediocrity
that keeps trying to choke our culture into submission. This show alone
is reason enough to own a television.
2) Pushing Daisies: The facts
are these: The most inventive new show on television involves dead people
and fruit pies. Like Disney for adults, this Technicolor daydream does
whimsy proud. Don’t you just wish you had a pocket-sized Kristin Chenoweth
of your very own?
3) Damages: Piecing this treacherous
moral puzzle together each week was a true TV treat. Throw in a Machiavellian
Glenn Close and smart women in power suits, and I’ll follow this case
through the legal system as long as it takes.
4) Bones/House combo: Call
me lazy or call me happy to not have to pick up the remote for a solid
two hours, but Fox’s Tuesday night one-two punch of spooks/squints
and docs/diagnosis was consistently crisp and engaging. Heck, I’d even
root for a crossover episode. Bones meets House? Misanthropes unite!
5) Saving Grace: Great TV has
complex characters, smart writing and great acting. This show pulls
the hat trick with ease. That we get to see a lot of Holly Hunter naked
doesn’t hurt either.
5.5) Ugly Betty: Hey, it’s
my list and I can cheat if I want to. When frothy meets fun, a good
time is had by all. Plus, America Ferrera actually makes me feel good
about the future of young Hollywood.
Five I Hated:
1) Bionic Woman: I had considered
making this all five reasons. Because when it comes to disappointments,
none were bigger, faster or stronger than this. No amount of ripped
abs can make up for insipid storytelling and a lackluster lead. Sarah
Corvus, we hardly knew ya.
2) Cavemen: A friend made me
watch the pilot. That was not a good friend. It was like evolution never
3) Dirt: I wanted to like this
show. And in theory, it seemed like I would. But in reality, it was an
oppressively joyless exercise in Courteney Cox giving the tabloids the
middle finger. How do you make a show about gossip so glum?
4) A Shot at Love With Tila
Tequila: Life is too short. The list of books I still haven’t read
is too long. And real tequila probably kills fewer brain cells. Though,
Dani? Duh, hottie.
5) Keeping Up With the Kardashians:
I’m pretty sure the existence of this show is a harbinger of the apocalypse.
When it starts raining toads, it’s every woman for herself.