Fantasy Island

 
 

If there is any grace in Women Seeking Women, it's thanks to Tammy. The women all say that they've come to Hedonism for more than just female-induced orgasms, but it's Tammy who expresses most sincerely that she wants to connect emotionally and intimately with another woman. And I want to believe her.

Unfortunately for her — and for viewers like me — her hosts are not pushing intimacy; they're pushing sex. Regardless of how Beth and Robert try to spin fact into fantasy, the truth is undeniable. Beth and Robert are laughing all the way from Hedonism to the bank. The only question is, do they ever stop at a clinic?

It's at this point in the show that I (and Tammy?) begin to wonder about the number of “newbie” mouths Beth's tongue has found its way into and what, exactly, Robert does — and who he does it with — while Beth initiates the first-timers.

Fast forward to the Wild Women Suite Parties. Beth transforms a hospitality suite into something that looks like a shrine to every Barry White song I've ever heard. There are lighted votive candles, lots of them, everywhere. Drops of light dance on sheer curtains that envelop a bed, and I think of Tammy. Will she find what the world is searching for … there, right there, my dear … will she look no more?

She mingles.

And so does everyone else. The suite is thick with anticipation at the first party because the couples know from Beth and Robert's website that this party is “different on every trip. Sometimes it can get very active very fast … Some women are exhibitionists who love to stir things up quickly … others are only seeking an intimate one on one relationship with nobody around except maybe a husband or boyfriend.”

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you and your nuts have to watch.

That's right, the men can attend the party, but they can't participate. Don't feel bad, though. According to Beth and Robert, “They all manage to survive.”

I love that part. Bisexuality is just one big game of Survivor, isn't it?

For the second party, Beth and Robert reserve not only a suite, but also an adjoining room “for private encounters.” Their website reveals, “ Wine, champagne and ‘toys' are supplied. Your hosts and certain guests will receive keys to the rooms. Occasionally, the rooms are so busy that appointments have to be made. For those women who have special or unique fantasies, here is your chance to fulfill them.”

No one wastes much time on small talk at the parties. Faster than they can say, “By golly, we're bisexuals!” women are led to a bed by Beth, who proceeds to prove that she's not only an event planner, but also an event.

Needless to say, the mattress mosh provokes smiles from the men watching. In fact, like the Joker from Batman, their faces seem paralyzed with joy.

I'm paralyzed, too: stunned yet again by the things people will do on television. So what follows is a bit of blur.

I vaguely remember Tammy and a few of the others frolicking in Hedonism, kissing by waterfalls and further exploiting themselves for the men in their lives, as well as for VH1 News and its viewers. What I remember most clearly, however, is that in the end, Tammy doesn't make a true bisexual love connection. But (hold on to your hats!) she and Mike have the best sex ever in Hedonism! Yep, in a surprise twist that came out of nowhere, Tammy's journey into bisexuality breathed new life into her marriage! And she and Mike lived happily, but not so bisexually, ever after.

The rest of us? We get to live with the reruns.

VH1 will rebroadcast Women Seeking Women: A Bi-curious Journey on Wednesday, Oct. 25, 2006, at 11:00 p.m. EST.

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