Fantasy Island

At Hedonism, Beth and Robert are portrayed as event-planning hosts, but in any other setting these two would be called pimps.

“The fear of rejection by another woman is very strong when seeking your first experience,” they explain on their site. “We are highly sensitive to guests in this position so we do everything we can to help break the ice. By telling us which woman or women you may be interested in, we will help with an introduction.”

Although “newbie” Tammy had spoken to Beth by phone prior to the trip, it appears that she and Mike don't quite know what to make of Beth and Robert, or the resort, upon arrival. On the show, Tammy's body language is guarded and the look on her face suggests that she fears Beth will sneak up on her and give her a “beautiful experience” from behind.

Beth obviously knows the look, and being the smart and experienced bisexual she is, immediately leads Tammy to the alcohol, leaving Mike with Robert.

Robert gives the impression that he's gotten lost on his way to a tea dance. Not that I think there's anything wrong with that, but Mike looks like he would rather rip the hairs from his knuckles one by one than go anywhere with Robert. And I don't blame him. Robert's vibe screams “disingenuous.”

Eventually, Tammy and Mike enjoy some alone time in their room. They seem somewhat more relaxed than before, until Tammy spies a game of naked volleyball being played just outside her window. After noticing that one male player is quite obviously enjoying the game more than the others, she again becomes uncomfortable. I can almost hear her thinking, There's no wood in volleyball!

Tammy's discomfort is soon alleviated, however, at the Wild Women Meet and Greet cocktail party. The Meet and Greet, as explained in the Expectations section of wildwomenvacations.com, “offers the first real chance to find new friends … Absolutely no sexual activity takes place here and it will be discouraged. We do not wish to scare off first timers or bi-curious women before they are able to adjust and become completely comfortable.”

Maybe that fear factor is why there's no mention in this ‘documentary' that Jamaica is considered one of the most homophobic countries in the world, and that two lesbians were brutally murdered there last June. It would definitely be a buzz-kill for the couples to have learned that the most vicious of anti-queer Jamaicans don't stop beating their victims long enough to discuss the difference between lesbians and bicurious women on a “journey.”

Anyway, at the cocktail party, Tammy and Mike get to know Wendy, Robbyn and Linda, and their husbands, Herb, Ron and Dave. Stories and expectations are shared. For Wendy and Herb, it's their second trip to Hedonism. Robbyn and Ron are also experienced. Robbyn confesses that when last in Jamaica, she fell in love with another woman. Linda resembles someone I know, and I can't get past that to remember much about her.

Tammy's mood is a bit lighter now, and that could be because she's sitting down. Mike, too, seems a bit more settled in to the possibility that by the end of the week his wife will have been passed around the group like a joint on Willie Nelson's tour bus. There's both caution and longing in the air. The hunters are also the hunted. But no one is scared off.

Scratch that. I'm scared; I'm afraid for Tammy. I fear that she came for filet mignon, but will leave with a turkey burger and a side of herpes.

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