Fan Fiction vs. Reality: Which version of TV are you watching?

Warehouse 13

The show according to fan fiction: Helena and Myka are on fire for each other and the only way to get them to admit it is to send them hunting for truth-telling/hormone-enhancing artifacts that cause them to confess their real feelings and have the most uninhibited sex in the history of vaginas.

The show according to the show: Helena and Myka are friends whose relationship is intense and fraught and the driving force behind their most world-changing decisions. Every time they part, their hearts break into a zillion pieces. They’re friends. Every time they meet again, they breathe real shallow and stare real longingly. They’re friends. If eye-fucking was regular fucking, they’d both be so pregnant with each other’s genius babies. They’re friends.

Rizzoli & Isles

The show according to fan fiction: Jane is a Gryffindor. Maura is a Ravenclaw. Together, they form a crime-fighting team bursting with bravery and brains, and also bursting with Sapphic desire. They try to play it off as BFFs, but their longing always gets to them in the end. Sometimes in the station, sometimes at one of their houses, sometimes in the morgue, sometimes in a police car, sometimes in a bar, sometimes in a hotel on an undercover mission. They argue because their sexual frustration manifests itself in verbal zingers.

The show according to the show: Jane and Maura are dear friends and professional partners who date men and solve crimes and date men and date men, because they are straight, OK?


The show according to fan fiction: A fun-loving story of two lesbian couples: Santana and Brittany, Rachel and Quinn. Each couple fights their attraction at first, but always they give in and admit that no one knows them better or loves them more or kisses them as correctly as the best friend who’s always been standing/singing beside them.

The show according to the show: Finn Hudson and Will Schuester join forces to patronize and condescend to every woman in the Midwest.

Pretty Little Liars

The show according to fan fiction: Emily Fields is the main lesbian in the queerest town on this earth. Every lady is gay in one way or another. Girls make out with each other. Girls slow dance with each other. Girls crawl on top of each other and take skinny-dips in pools with each other and when some beautiful lesbians die, other beautiful lesbians fall to earth like manna from heaven.

The show according to the show: Same, actually.

What’s the toughest fan fiction/TV gap for you to bridge?

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