“Faking It” recap (1.6): Strictly Bedroom

Previously on Faking It, Karma had one of her patented Brilliant Plans to appease both Liam’s conscience and her own libido. That plan, of course, was a threesome. I’ll be honest: I’ve been dreading this episode since the ménage a trois concept was teased at the beginning of the season. I saw it being at best painfully awkward, and at worst an affront to my delicate sensibilities. Instead it had the most heart, grace, and insight of the series so far, not to mention a closing scene that was devastating and gorgeous. For that, I tip my beanie to George Northy, who wrote it, Rita Volk, Amy Stevens, and—dear god do I really have to recap this whole episode before I get to That Scene?

We pick up with Karma pitching the threesome idea to Amy, who initially balks at the prospect of sharing her beloved with an ambiguously accented, scruffily side-burned boy. Her rationale is dismantled by Shane, who persuades her that Karma wouldn’t have suggested the threesome if she didn’t, on some level, want Amy. It will be the ultimate, final test of who Karma really prefers, he argues. This thought, which has all the logic of a David Lynch movie, appeals to Amy’s love-addled brain, so she consents.

fakingit6.1JUST PROMISE ME YOU’RE GONNA TAKE OFF THOSE RINGS.
Leaving the three lovebirds to make their own nest, Shane flits off to his very own storyline in what used to be his private yoga studio. Upon arriving, he finds it has been commandeered by Lauren, who, as part of her Faustian bargain with Skwerkel, has turned it into her own private dance studio. They engage in their usual banter wherein Shane accuses her of being a homophobe and she retorts that she LOVES THE GAYS, she just hates him. This is a bit of revisionist history but I’ll accept it on account of I don’t want Lauren to be an actual monster. To prove her (selective) tolerance, she introduces us to Pablo, her dance partner. It’s unclear if the harp arpeggio that accompanies his entrance is a sound cue or if literal angels just hover above him to announce his arrival into a room. That is how dreamy he is, and with one look at him, Shane develops an intense interest in ballroom dance. That’s good news because Pablo was tragically injured in a humanitarian accident , rendering him incapable of leading Lauren to her title as Ms. Texas Republican Ballroom Champion.

fakingit6.2ATLAS EYE-ROLLED SO HARD.

Back to the A story: With Karma and Amy on board, the only thing left is to secure Liam’s participation. Amy, who is discovering a hidden well of self-confidence this week, just looks him straight in the eye and says, “Let’s have a threesome,” like she’s suggesting they split a pizza.

fakingit6.3Well that’s not a great sign.

Liam: Crikey! I thought you were joking about that?
Karma: We’re lesbians. We don’t joke about threeways.
Amy: Or anything, ever.

They get out their iPhones and start coordinating schedules, which is a pretty good preview for exactly how sexy threesomes are. Not that I’m a prude or think there is a right way to do sex other than safe and consensual, but everything that is intimate about it is kind of lost when you have to coordinate it around curfew and chemistry tests. But whatever, kids, go ahead and learn it the hard way. At least they have the good sense to tell Liam to bring some condoms.

Back at the Lauren Cooper Dance Academy, Lauren tries to defuse Shane’s crush on Pablo by revealing that he attends Our Lady of Iron Chastity Belt, a prestigious Christian school. Shane’s kneejerk reaction is, “Christianity? Gross!” which Pablo calls him out for, for being bigoted and grossly presumptive. God, Faking It, how do you find time to be so right about so many things? Shane quickly backtracks, and he and Pablo bond over a shared love of GOOP. (The idea that Gwyneth Paltrow’s target audience is rich gay children rings very true to me.)

fakingit6.4GAYS ORGANIZING for OPTIMUM PERFECTION

Over in the guidance office, we run into Tommy, Lauren’s insignificant other, and another—what was the expression Liam used?—“heteronormative bro douche.” They are having a very vague argument about Sports. Like, “DAVID BECKHAM!” “IT’S CALLED FOOTBALL, NOT SOCCER!” and that’s literally all they’ve got. On the plus side, Tommy has staunched his nosebleed with a tampon, which is amazing.

fakingit6.5 SPORTS.

Over by the bowl ‘o condoms, Liam leaves Shane a voicemail asking for his advice about the threeway. But the mere mention of this sex act attracts all the straight men in the room to Liam’s side to shower him with encouragement and advice.

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