pole lotta nerve — It’s Jen’s big night at pole-dancing class.
Lauren’s not there, but Sam is, natch. Sam’s a good friend. They sit
together and watch a student in shorts and ballet slippers do some advanced
moves. Jen tells Sam, "She’s our valedictorian."
Sam asks Jen how she’s feeling.
Jen feels exposed. Sam replies: "You want to talk exposed? I went
to therapy to get a date with Elizabeth and I got actual therapy."
Hate when that happens.
When it’s Jen’s turn, she’s
not mentally ready. She’s halfway out the door to get some water.
At home. The instructor announces her name, and there’s no turning back.
Sam claps enthusiastically as Jen goes up to the pole. She begins her
routine with an awkward spin that lands her on her ass with a thud.
This just won’t do.
Jen escapes into a fantasy
where she’s wearing a black boa thing and has Sally Bowles hair. She’s dancing with abandon as
confetti falls all around her. Life is a cabaret, old chum. Now get
up there and pole-dance like you’ve never pole-danced before!
Back in reality, Jen starts
over. She does a spin and manages to get around the pole without breaking
a bone. With renewed confidence, she does a dance with some interesting
moves and a big finale where she introduces the pole to her crotch —
while on her hands and knees. Sam can’t believe her eyes, and neither
The point is, she does it.
Jen sits back down and looks around for Lauren.
Jen: I can’t believe
Lauren didn’t show.
Sam: Doesn’t matter who saw you.
Jen: Actually, it does.
Sam: No, it does not. You just put yourself way out there. It
Jen smiles but looks around
the room one more time.
— Chris and Kris are entertaining Dr. Bob. He raves about Kris’
poached pears and then asks why he’s really there. Chris begins by
pouring herself a big glass of champagne and says they appreciate how
much he’s done for, y’know, the animals. Kris is so nervous, she lets
loose a loud Woody Woodpecker laugh.
Chris admits they have ulterior
What we’ve decided is we want to get pregnant. [takes a big gulp] We
think you’re an amazing human being.
Kris: You’re everything that we would want in a father. So, we
were wondering if you would ever consider being the father to our baby.
Dr. Bob is speechless. Chris
and Kris wait expectantly. Dr. Bob brings up the usual questions about
legal issues, how much he will be involved and medical histories. He
asks which of the ChKrisses would be carrying the child. Kris tells
them they want to "take turns." Take turns? It’s not like
sitting on an egg, so I guess they’re planning on having two children.
To answer his question, they
point to each other and say in unison, "She’s first."