A New Jen
— There’s a new Jen in town. Maybe it’s the pole dancing or maybe
it’s the countless hours of sex footage she had to watch over and over,
but Jen has turned into a little sex tiger. She’s in bed with Lauren
and displaying her newfound sense of raarr. Lauren doesn’t know
where it’s coming from, but she’s not complaining. She likes the new
Jen. A lot.
Between kisses, Jen tells Lauren
she’s done channeling her inner pole dancer because the next class will
have an audience, and who needs that kind of pressure? Lauren calls
Jen a chicken and wonders, if she can’t express herself in front of
strangers, how can she do it in front of friends?
That’s crazy, backwards logic.
It’s easy to express yourself when you’re with your friends. It’s quite
a different thing to get up in front of a bunch of faces you’ve never
seen before and do anything other than stare into the spotlight until
you’ve burned your corneas out.
Lauren offers to lend a familiar
face to the event. Happily surprised, Jen showers her with more kisses
and giggles. How nice and altogether unSienna-like. A supportive lover.
What a concept.
Right in the middle of things,
Lauren’s cell rings. Assuming she’ll let it go to voicemail, Jen doesn’t
climb off Lauren. But as much as Lauren likes Jen, she likes business
more. She pushes Jen aside and gets up to find a pen. Life’s a series
of ebbs and flows, Jen, honey.
A role model
— Hanging together for an evening of coffee klatching, Crutch
tells the gang about her number one (and only) fan, Tatum O’Neal, who
also might be gay. Overnight, Crutch goes from being the group’s kid
sister to lesbian role model and elder stateswoman to baby butches who
can’t drive yet.
Tell her she’s lucky to be figuring it out in Seattle. Back in Ohio,
it’s not so easy being a big ol’ dyke and 16. Tell your friend not
Kris: Tell her labels are for soup cans.
Jen: Tell her it doesn’t matter how long it takes her to figure
Sam: Tell her to make sure her parents are being honest about
It’s good to see everyone’s
brought their baggage with them. Lord knows we hate to travel light.
Crutch suggests they talk to
Tatum for her, but Jen says she probably wants to hear it from Crutch.
Preferably in song. Crutch as a role model? Weird. If this continues,
young lesbians everywhere will consider living in a storage closet a
rite of passage.
— Chris and Kris go to see their favorite guy in the whole wide
world, Dr. Bob, their veterinarian. He’s happy to see them because,
thanks to all their animals, he’s got a new boat and, possibly, hair
plugs. Today, they don’t have any furry souls that need shots and a
nail trim. They invite Dr. Bob over for brunch. He’s speechless.
At the Beev, Seattle’s newest
rock star is giving a private performance to Tatum, the lesbi-tot. I
think she read my mind because she is dispensing advice in a song.
Just be who you are and it’ll be OK. No matter what you are, whether
you are straight or gay. Just be who you are and it’ll be OK.
Emmy looks on, her three-sizes-too-small
Grinch heart growing one size with each verse. Tatum smiles and says
thanks and goes off to school, or a play date, or wherever it is children
go. Emmy compliments Crutch on a sweet song and helping the young girls
of the world find the lesbian within.
Crutch tells Emmy she’s finally
moving out of the back room because she has a consulting check in the
bank. Emmy admits it hasn’t been horrible. Especially never having to
open or close the café all these past weeks.