A fork in the road
— Jen is ready for a new attitude. She dons her sexiest sweats
and goes to redeem her coupon for a free pole-dancing class. The instructor
asks for volunteers to attempt to get their pole spin on. Crickets.
Cut to Jen standing outside
in the snow. There’s a yellow street sign that reads, "The Fork
in the Road." At her feet, a dinner fork is stuck in the snow.
Jen pulls it out, Excalibur-like, looks at it and says: "Hmm. I
always thought it would be bigger." That’s my favorite scene.
Back at So You Wanna Be a Pole
Dancer Dance School, everyone’s arms are still paralyzed. After a long
time, Jen slowly raises her hand sheepishly. Atta girl.
Over at the Chris and Kris
house, the couple sits together and unpacks some Just for Doggies inventory.
Chris grabs a leash and points to the model on its plastic package.
There’s the father of their child. But she doesn’t mean the actual model;
she means someone who’s like him.
Totally into being a dad and fun.
Kris: Well, we don’t want totally into being a dad.
Chris: OK. Sometimes into being a dad. And fun.
Kris: And smart.
Chris: And a good dancer.
Kris: And cute.
Chris: But not too cute. Oh.
Is there such a thing as "too
cute"? I respectfully submit, the answer is hell no.
In unison: And gotta
Kris: ‘K. A fun, smart, cute guy who totally loves animals and
is a good dancer?
In unison: Gay man.
Could you stop talking as one
person? It freaks me out when couples do that.
A doctor’s appointment
— Sam makes a phony appointment to get her head shrunk, so she
can lie on a couch and flirt with Elizabeth for an hour. It’s an expensive
way to get a woman to go to dinner with you, but you have to admire
She arrives at the doctor’s
office and starts to check her lipstick when she’s interrupted by a
bald man who introduces himself as Dr. Harrison. He leads her into his
Sam remains standing and says
there’s been a mistake, because her appointment was with the woman with
more hair, better teeth and nicer breasts. Dr. Harrison explains that
Elizabeth didn’t feel it was appropriate to work with Sam herself. Sam
wanted inappropriate therapy, so this is not working out as she had
hoped. And furthermore, she doesn’t like getting pawned off on a not-hot
stranger with a penis.
Sam says, "Have a nice
day," and opens the door to leave. Sly Dr. Harrison says he has
nothing to do for the hour and why not just stay and chat. Sam says
she doesn’t need "therapizing."
I sense you’re uncomfortable.
Sam: [grinning and closing the door] See, that is what you guys
do. You know? And, um, now you’re going to try to get me to talk about
my feelings and what I’m really upset about and doesn’t my father love
me. Nuh uh. I might have been born yesterday, but not last night, ya
Dr. Harrison: What is it that makes you think your father doesn’t
Sam: Who said that?
Dr. Harrison: You did.
Gotcha. Sam’s tough exterior
cracks just a little.
I love my father, and my mother. They only had me for 18 years. So,
everything after that, whatever happened, whatever I’m feeling, that’s
all me. OK? So don’t just sit there, thinking you’re so smart.
Sam storms out. Dr. Harrison
just sits there, thinking he’s so smart.