“Exes & Ohs” Recaps: Episode 1.4 “Love, Money and a Six Olive Martini”

That elusive thing called happiness — Kris and Chris are in their kitchen packaging items for their online doggie business. Chris is musing about the power of a power suit like the one Lauren was wearing the other night.

Kris is having a separate discussion in her head and asks, "You know what we need?" because she wants to talk about their lackluster love life.

Chris asks quietly, "What do you need to make you happy?" Kris doesn’t answer. I think the answer is clear: an orgasm that frightens the neighbors.

Sam meets her parents, an attractive, well-dressed couple, in front of a high-rise apartment building. Dad says in his fatherly way that he knows she doesn’t have much, being a mere bartender and all, so they’re happy to help with her loan application.

Sam’s wary of taking their help, but she knows it’ll be smoother sailing with a co-signer on her mortgage. She promises to make every single payment. Mom chimes in that it’s better than renting, especially if Sam wants to settle down someday. Sam reminds them she’s only 28 and settling down is not on the horizon. The only thing Sam sees on her horizon right now is a line of hot women to seduce.

Sam: I’m very happy being single.
Mom: Well, at one time, you were very happy being straight. And then Jennifer came along and …
Dad: Honey, I’m sure not every girl that Jennifer befriends turns into a lesbian.

Little does he know about the 18 toasters in Jennifer’s closet.

Career moves — Over dinner salads with Lauren, Jen explains her vision for Women, Sex and Power. Lauren’s intrigued, but she hates the title. It sounds like a snoozy college thesis, which is exactly what it will be if Jen is left to her own intellectual devices.

Lauren encourages her to make it sex-ay. Raarrr. Lauren smiles and says they’re up against Super Size Me, and sex is the hook they need to rise above. Blah, blah, blah. All Jennifer heard was Lauren using that wonderfully inclusive word, "we."

Jen: Wait. Does this mean I get to finish it?
Lauren: Maybe. [sly pause] Of course, I’ll need to see your footage first.

Jen is beside herself with the good news. The bad news? When Lauren says "footage," she might mean "breasts."

Jen: Of course. Sure. Anytime.
Lauren: OK.
Jen: [happy] OK.
Lauren: OK.
Jen: [even happier] OK.
Lauren: Eat your salad.
Jen: [still happy] OK.

Giddy as a schoolgirl, Jen pops a grape tomato into her mouth.

Changes — In a quick scene at Beever, Emmy suggests that Crutch get a real, grown-up job in a corporation with a desks and staplers and other officey stuff. They’re not even together yet and already, Emmy is trying to change her. Don’t do it. The world needs magenta-haired girls.

Meanwhile, Jen and Sam are doing yoga and chatting. I’ve never done yoga, but from what I’ve heard, you’re not supposed to talk while you’re adding inches to your height with vertebrae-wrenching positions.

Jen whispers that Lauren changed the title of the film to Sex, Inc. Sam thinks the title is kind of cool and wonders if Jen is finding Lauren kind of hot. Jen assures her it’s just business.

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