“Exes & Ohs” Recaps: Episode 1.2 “Roads Previously Not Taken”

 
 

Hey baby, what’s yer sign? — Jen goes back into the bookstore to ask the woman out. She stops a few feet away and looks at her hesitantly. But before she can approach the woman, Jennifer takes a detour into fantasyland: She’s suddenly alone with the sales clerk.

Sales clerk: Lady, are you buying something or just picking up literate women?
Jen: [looking confused] Aah … actually … there was a … woman … in line.
Sales clerk: Oh. The babe that was flirting with you?
Jen: That’s the thing. I’m not sure it was flirting per se. I mean, how do you know she wasn’t just being pleasant?

The bookstore cashier whips out a ginormous dusty tome and smacks it down on the counter. Olde tymey lettering on the cover says The Big Book of Lesbians. The clerk opens it.

Sales clerk: Flirting: verb. One. To engage in banter when no banter is required.
Jen: So what if she did a little?
Sales clerk: OK. Two. To initiate, in physical contact [Pumping her arm back and forth], no matter how minute or indirect. Three …
Jen: No, wait. She did touch one of my books. So, you really think she was hitting on me?
Sales clerk: It’s fifty-fifty. Ask her yourself.
Jen: [to Blondie] OK. Hey. Were you just hitting on me?

The woman turns and says, "Excuse me?" Oops. Did she just say that aloud? Jen looks around to see a line of people staring at her. She does an awesome, awkward Ellen kind of a thing and says, "Was that my outer voice?" How cute is Jen?

Jennifer’s pick-up repertoire consists of two lines: "Come here often?" and "Doing anything for dinner?" Hopefully, in that order. That said, Jen delivers both lines with enough endearing charm — and in order — that they actually work. The blond woman gives up her name (Kate) and says yes, she could in fact have dinner tomorrow.

Jen comes skipping out of the bookstore with girlish glee.

She tells Sam to call the bar and quit that day shift. Sam looks ill.

Animal lovers — Jen’s at the ChKrisses helping Chris box up doggie bags because Crutch is a pitch-challenged slacker. Kris is on the computer trying to find their newest stray a good home. A perfect home. The perfect home. Chris says it’s not easy finding people with the time and money to invest in a dog. Jen can’t see why it would take so long, and furthermore, not every pet owner has to have money.

Chris and Kris: [horrified and in unison] They’re not "pet owners."
Kris: They’re caregivers.
Chris: They’re puppy parents.
Kris: Guardians of furry souls.

Okey-dokey.

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