“Exes & Ohs” Recaps: Episode 1.2 “Roads Previously Not Taken”

 
 

Bookstore bargains — Back at the bookstore, Sam and Jen wait in the checkout line. A cute blond standing behind them is reading book titles over Jen’s shoulder.

"Looking to make a career change?" she asks, all friendly and stuff. Jen smiles and says something about same career, different direction. Sam butts in, "She’s making a sex movie."

"It’s a documentary!" Jen adds quickly.

Sam and Jennifer have a silent but meaningful eye conversation and throw hard glances at the blond. As they walk out of the store, Sam asks if there was an exchange of digits.

Sam: Get her number?
Jen: She didn’t …
Sam: She didn’t, but what happens to "time flies, seize the day"?
Jen: She was just being pleasant.
Sam: I know flirting when I see it, baby. You know, go back in there and ask her out.

Which brings us to the Flirting or Just Friendly Rule. Jennifer tells us: "The very clear rule here is it’s fifty-fifty. The real question here is: Are you willing to take the risk?" Since Jennifer hasn’t had sex in over a year, the answer today should be an eager and breathy yes.

Jen’s blowing a great opportunity, and Sam knows it. Picking up lesbians in a bookstore could not be easier. Looking for a strong, handy dyke? Try the Home Improvement section, obviously. Political, activist types make you swoon? Gender Studies and Women’s History. And nature lovers are growing like weeds in the Gardening section. But whatever you do, stay away from the Self-Help section. Consider yourself warned.

Sam tells Jen she’ll make a pact with her. If Jen goes back to the store and asks that woman out, she’ll quit her day shifts at the bar and find a house to flip. It’s a win-win of sorts.

She’s got the music in her. Not. — Crutch comes strolling into Kris and Chris’ with her guitar. She’s there to help them with Pet Adoption Day, but she’s late because musicians live very complicated lives. Chris reminds her the doggies vests aren’t going to pack themselves. Crutch announces that what Adoption Day really needs is live music. Oh please, no.

Crutch: [way off-key] There’s a holocaust of cats and kitties. And dogs are dying in all the cities. And while you’re sitting there on your butt, get up and adopt a mutt.

Um … A for effort? Kris offers she likes the kitties/cities rhyme. Chris says she thinks it’s, um, catchy. Crutch instantly knows they hated it. She blames it on her guitar. When in doubt, blame the equipment. Chris and Kris look at each other suspiciously.

Crutch decides what she needs is a new gee-tar and offers to do some extra work at Just for Doggies for some cash. Kris suggests that Crutch sing at Pet Adoption Day. Great. Can’t wait to hear all those dogs howling at once.

Happy as a tone-deaf clam, Crutch trots out the door with her new gig confirmed. Chris gives Kris the look. Kris asks, "What? She needs us," and reminds her partner that they’re Crutch’s " Seattle moms." Pet Adoption Day comes but once a year. But every day is Crutch Adoption Day.

Besides, as Kris says, "You can love the singer and not the singing." Which is exactly how I feel when my girlfriend serenades me with her oh-so-special rendition of "Landslide."

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