“Exes & Ohs” Recaps: Episode 1.2 “Roads Previously Not Taken”


How to pick up women — Jen and Sam are at a bookstore in the Cultural Theory section doing research for Jen’s upcoming exposé about strippers and Britney Spears. Sam offers Becca’s help, since she’s working vice now. I don’t remember anyone saying Becca was a cop last week, but that’s fine.

Sam also casually mentions Becca’s not speaking to her anymore. That’s not fine. No more Cathy DeBuono? Really? Thanks a lot, Sam.

Jen’s selection includes Selling Sex: A Case Study. Is that the new Jenna Jameson bio? Other real titles she might want to consider: The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex, How to Have Sex in the Woods and The Pop-up Book of Sex.

Sam pleads: "Oh. Please. Don’t make sex boring."

Sam suggests bailing on Bird Watchers 2 and just starting on the sex movie, now that Jen has a little nest egg (nest egg, get it?) from Bird Watchers 1. Jen reminds Sam that she, too, has a nest egg and should pursue her dream of becoming a real estate mogul. Sam says she wants to do more research, such as getting advice from real estate agents. Jen retorts that real estate knowledge doesn’t rub off on her just because she’s sleeping with real estate agents.

Sam: Not every fixer-upper will end up turning a profit. You have to invest in the right house, and I haven’t found it yet.

"House" is code for "girl."

Jen advises Sam to carpe the diem because her own mom died at 35. "You never know how long you have," she says, placing a copy of Remodeling for Profit in her hands. Do as the bird lady says, not as she does.

At homo with Chris and Kris — Kris answers the phone in a baby-talk voice: "Just for Doggies!" As she takes a sales order for some leashes, Chris comes barging into their kitchen excitedly, holding a scruffy dog in her arms.

Chris: Oh, my God. Krissy. Oh, my God. Oh, my God! You are not going to believe who I saw at the store. Get off the phone! Get off the phone! Get off the phone!
Kris: [into the phone] OK. I’ll call you back.
Chris: Amelia and Zoë. And get this — they got married and they’re pregnant!
Kris: We never thought they’d last two weeks.
I know. And Zoë found this little guy [holds up the dog] wandering around. So, I said we’d find him a good home. Who’s a good dog?
Kris: He’s a cutie … They got married?

The wheels start turning imperceptibly in Kris’ head. Hmm. Two women who are not meant for each other got married? And they’re pregnant? (Yeah, that never happens.) If they can do it …

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