Instead of my horrible idea, Chris and Kris invite everyone present to take them as their unlawful family, to have them, to hold them, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health …
Just tell her, already!
After the sweet ceremony, everyone relaxes with a drink and some mingling. Barry and Dr. Bob seem to be hitting it off in the kitchen. Jen and Kate are chatting in a corner, while Sheila is probably somewhere spiking the punch.
Sam interrupts Jen and asks to see her alone for a moment.
Jen leaves Kate and pushes Sam into the dining room, closing the French doors. What is your problem, lady?
Jen: Just because you’re going through a slump, you can’t be happy for me? Jesus, Sam, that’s not friendship. That’s not family. That’s something else.
Sam: Oh my god, you’re right. It is something else. I’m not jealous of the attention you’re getting from Kate. I’m jealous of the attention that she’s getting from you.
Jen freezes and goes deaf. Um, what?
Sam’s epiphany answers the question that’s been dogging her for months. Why can’t she pick up women anymore? Because they can tell she only wants the one she’s with: Jen.
As Jen’s head gets ready to explode, Chris is in the hallway outside her bedroom, trying to carry her pregnant wife over the threshold.
Eating for two beats chivalry from one, any day of the week.
But the real testament to their wedding-commitment-union-festivus is Chris moving Kris’s toothbrush into her cup as they change into the jammies. Aren’t there still guests downstairs? Can’t they take a hint that the party’s over?
Back in the dining room, Jen tells Sam: “We have more than a friendship. We have ‘this.’ And if we tried to have ‘that’ again, we could mess all ‘this’ up. So why even think about that, because we wouldn’t have this and we wouldn’t have that. And honestly, I can’t live without this.”
Old, babbling Jen is back. Before Jen and Sam can agree to keep this and not go for that, Kate cheerfully pops her head in and brings the convo to a screeching halt. Everything OK?
Oblivious, party of one, your table is now ready.
Kate grabs Jen for a second to say good-bye and that she’s looking forward to their date. Jen smiles and watches her leave, as Sam watches her.
Jen returns to pick up where they left off with this and that. but doesn’t remember which is which anymore.
Jen: I’m so confused. Are you confused?
Sam: No, I’m not. And I don’t want you to be with Kate, or any other woman on this planet. I want you to be with me.
Jen: [thoughtful silence]
Chris: [screaming from the hall] Jen! Sam! Kris’s water broke!
Goddamn kids ruin everything.
Next week: The season (and series?) finale. After a long night of waiting, a new life comes into the world. Congratulations, it’s a “this.” Or a “that.” Confused? You’ll just have to wait and see.