Back at the Beev, Devin gives Sam some dubious advice. She tells her to start faking orgasms and gives Sam and Jen a demonstration.
Devin: Start with an ooohh…
Jen: No… I could… never…
Devin: Who cares?
Jen tries one on for size but she sounds like someone is strangling a sick emu. Devin and Sam stare in horror at this:
Hard to believe women aren’t lining up for a piece of this action.
Jen gives up and declares this the “Faking It” Rule. “Even if you think you can, don’t. Not with another woman. She’ll either know or she’ll find out. And either way, you’ll be completely screwed.”
Yeah, let’s not do that again. Ever.
The next time Sam is in bed with Elizabeth, she tries to tell her how unsexy being a broke-ass girl can be, but can’t bring herself to ‘fess up. Instead, Sam takes Devin’s advice and fakes one. Does Elizabeth know? Did it work?
I vote no.
The next day, Jen goes to the Beever and gets great news. Devin has managed to recover her video camera, with the sex tape still inside it. Hooray! It’s good to know high people in low places. Or low people in high places. Whatever. Then, Devin delivers the bad news. Someone put her sex tape on the internet. But it’s OK because only “a couple thousand” people have viewed it. Oh, if were only that easy to get hits on the internet.
After stalling as long as she can, Jen decides to tell Gillian the truth because it’s only a matter of time before #umbrelladance is trending on Twitter.
Gillian is pissed, not because her naked body has gone viral, but because Jen kept it a secret for so long. “Hell, if you’d have said you wanted to use our tape in your presentation, I would probably have helped you create something artistic out of it,” Gillian says, “You just should’ve told me. Not cool.”
Also not cool? Un-ironic cardigans.
Even with Gillian mad at her, Jen has no choice but to show up at the school and present her lecture. She gets a “Hey! Heidi!” heckle from the back of the room, but soldiers on. Doing the smartest thing she can, given the situation, she acknowledges the naked elephants in the room.
“C’mon, it was raw footage, but I still think we looked pretty hot,” she says, winning the room over, save Gillian, who sits in the back, not smiling, and still not cool.
Tonight, it’s all about diffusing the sitch with honesty, and that’s just what Chris and Kris are doing. Sitting in their kitchen, Chris gives Kris a cute little coupon book with fun things they can do together, so no one feels left out, ever again. Alone time is together time from now on.
I made one of those once. Hey, here it is. OK, look at this one. This one is good for one free neck massage. I usually charge for that but it’s all about giving, right? That’s a thirty-five dollar value, right there. This one says I promise to go on a five-mile run with my girlfriend. Wha? How the hell did that get in there?