Sam landed another job, no thanks to Kris, but sadly, it does
involve saying, “You want fries with that?” She is the new manager at
“Bunz,” a waterfront hot dog stand. Nothing confirms the value of a
college degree like wienies and low tide. Well, it could be worse. She
could have found a job that involves having to say, “Lap dances are
extra.” Or, “I’ll get right on that, Mr. Trump.”
Even with all her bartending experience, Sam doesn’t seem well-equipped to handle a customer when he complains they have a lotta nerve
charging $8 for a hot dog. Guess this guy has never been to an airport.
After he leaves in a huff, a fellow-waitress clues Sam in on
Customer Service 101 – pretend to listen, pretend to care and agree with
whatever they say, otherwise known as “mirroring.” Or as I like to call
it, blind dating.
Speaking of dating, here’s a riddle for you. If lesbians bring a
U-Haul to their second date, what do they bring to their first? Why, a
tool belt, of course.
Jen dons her best flannel and shows up at a Habitat for
Humanity-type worksite to meet Devin’s online chick pick: Valencia. Please tell me her last name is Orange. But I digress.
Valencia gives Jen the once-over and says, “Devin described you
perfectly.” Uh, thanks?
Valencia puts Jen to work by instructing her to pile debris in
the corner. Jen being Jen, she would like to know how to pile debris in
the corner? By material? By size? Alphabetically? It’s going to be a
After Jen makes it clear she’s a walking OSHA violation, Valencia
gives her a job in the office trailer. Jen takes the opportunity to ask Valencia out on a
date. She says “yes” because who can resist someone who calls a pallet “a big wooden square
thing”? Not Valencia.
Back at Bunz, Sam approaches another table of customers, only to
realize it’s her successful, career-having, professional therapist
girlfriend, Elizabeth. And Elizabeth is with her equally successful,
gainfully employed therapist colleagues.
Later at home, Elizabeth puts her therapist hat on and offers,
“I’m guessing it was a little uncomfortable seeing us
there — frustrating? And like you’re feeling undervalued. Or valued for
the wrong things? Maybe it feels beneath you or something?”
Stop that. You don’t see Sam trying to get a tip after making your
dinner, do you?
The next day, Kris and Chris have the girls over for a backyard barbeque. Jen
takes on grilling duty, Kris’s mom handles the buns, (Sam’s off the
clock) and Devin shows Chris the improvements she’s made to their pet
supply website, because not only is she a barista and a yenta, she’s also a web designer. Dear god, is anyone not a web designer these days?
While your neighbor’s barbeque conversation might touch
on sports, coupons, the local school budget or how the neighborhood’s
gone to hell ever since fill-in-the-blank moved in, a lesbian gathering will
likely sound something like this:
Kris: So Jen. If you like Gillian so much, why do you want to go out with Valencia?
Jen: Because I like Gillian so much.
Chris: Makes sense.
Jen: No, look. If I have a few meaningless dates with
Valencia, than I won’t screw up things with Gillian by getting too
serious, too fast.
Devin: But isn’t it un-lesbian to date two girls at the same time?
Chris: How would you know? You’re only half-lesbian.
Devin: I am one hundred percent dyke when I’m with a chick. The fact that I also like pole is just a bonus.
Sheila: Amen to pole, sister.
See? Fun! Give me a lesbian party, anyday!