Previously: Jenn found a Bridge Girl in Gillian, a
woman who’s still gay married, but who cares! Sam changed her Facebook
status to “in a relationship” with Elizabeth, and to celebrate, admitted
she’s broke. Kris went behind Chris’s back, blabbing to her mother,
Sheila, “I’m pregnant!” And before you could say, “who’s the daddy?”
grandma was at their doorstep.
It’s a pretty night and Jen is having fun watching Gillian
snorkel the length of a Jacuzzi. Gillian makes Jen laugh, which is good
and bad. It’s good because if a woman can make you laugh, she’s a
keeper. It’s bad because if she’s too much fun, you forget to keep
things light and casual, like you promised yourself you would.
You also forget you’re wearing pants when you go hot tubbing.
The next day, Jen is interviewing Devin for her documentary, “The
Search for Love,” but Devin seems to think she’s auditioning for The Real L Word: Seattle. She tousles her hair, seductively looks into the camera’s lens, and says, “Hi. I’m Devin. Bisexual. Five-six. Nice rack.”
Jen reminds our little coffee vixen that they’re supposed to be
talking about online dating. Devin turns off her bedroom eyes and says
in a normal voice that online dating is a great way to meet people
without having to spend money of drinks. Or gas. Or an entire evening
listening a stranger talk about their ex.
Devin offers to hook Jen up with a “chick” she met online. Jen
didn’t ask for one of Devin’s cast-offs, but Devin is a giver and sets
it up with a quick text. Inside, Sam ordered a non-fat, light
foam, extra shot latte, but Devin is too busy extolling Jen’s virtues to
every chick in the Women Seeking Women section of craigslist.
While waiting for some decent table service, Sam gets a call-back
on one of her 100 job applications. She’s not even sure what the job
is, but she’s saddled with a huge mortgage and willing to take anything.
Preferably something that doesn’t involve asking, “You want fries with
Kris is there, too, avoiding her mother, Sheila, and Chris because they’re
getting along a little too well these days. The mother/daughter-in-law
lovefest is making her ill.
Sure enough, when she gets home,
Chris and moms are wearing aprons and happily baking cookies together.
When they see Kris walk in carrying two large boxes, they insist she
put down those darn heavy things, stop working and go relax, lest she
dislodge the zygote nestled in her lady pouch.
Put your feet up, take your pants off. We got this.
Kris is tired of being treated with kid oven mitts and stomps
back out of the house. Sheila tells Chris, “She gets that stubbornness
from her father.” Don’t you hate when your own mother likes your
girlfriend better than you?
If she has anything to say about it, Kris is not going stop
working until that baby’s head starts crowning. She pays a sales call on
Dr. Bob, a vet who buys dog supplies from Chris and Kris, but is also
their sperm donor. Instead of asking, “Whatever happened to that gift of
life I gave you?” he considers her special sales offer: five dozen biscuits
for the price of 60. What a steal.
Not only does Dr. Bob suck at math, he needs an assistant. What a
coinky-dink. Instead of calling her broke-ass friend Sam, Kris offers
to work for him part-time. Nice.