“Exes & Ohs” recap 201: “Fish in a Barrel”

While Jen attempts to fit her other foot in her mouth, Sam is at Elizabeth’s house. She wakes her up to ‘fess up about earlier that day. It was her newspaper, her want ads. She feels foolish because she can’t afford her mortgage right now. Elizabeth looks at Sam gently and softly says she doesn’t care about that stuff, as long as they share the part of themselves they’re afraid to show. Because she’s a therapist. And a raging lesbian.

After being banned for life from lesbian speed dating, Jen shows the gang some info on Gillian that she found the old fashion way: by stalking her on the internet. Look at Gillian’s paintings, you guys. Gillian invited me over, y’all. Gillian wants a Bridge Girl, too. Jen conveniently neglects to mention that wonderful Gillian is married. Eh. Full disclosure is over-rated.

But enough about that, Sam has some exciting news. She huddles everyone around and admits she might actual like having, what do you call those thing? Oh yeah, a girlfriend. Chris immediately warns Sam that relationships are the leading cause of bed death, while her longtime partner Kris wholeheartedly agrees. Way to sell monogamy, girls.

At home, Kris and Chris are working on a gajillion piece jigsaw puzzle and using their old vibrator to mix smoothies.

Jen has no such problems in her immediate future, so she goes to visit Gillian to pretend to look at her painting and talk about art, but really, she’s just there to make out with her face.
Pointing to a white canvas with a black dot, Jen attempts to b.s. Gillian with some existential gibberish: “Now, this is amazing. With one black dot, you can just feel man’s isolation from his environment and how small we are in the context of the infinite universe and…”

The black dot moves, and then flies away. Hee. Jen starts babbling that way she does when she’s nervous, so Gillian shut her up by cover Jen’s mouth with her own. Suddenly, Gillian is showing Jen how to finger paint, grown-up-style.

If there’s one thing I look for in a lesbian dramedy, it’s gratuitous post-modern art.

Elsewhere, the others are staving off isolation from their environments in the context of the infinite universe by processing. Chris tells Kris she’s not ready to have her mother-in-law all up in their baby business yet.

Elizabeth and Sam cement the start of their real relationship over sushi and an agreement that what happens at lesbian speed dating, stays in lesbian speed dating.

Over at the Kris-Chris house, someone is leaning on the doorbell. Kris runs downstairs in a towel and robe, opens the front door and is immediately smothered in a happy hug by her mother.

You know what else causes bed death? Having your mother sleeping in the next room.

Next week: Jen’s plan to make Gillian her bridge girl backfires when she starts to have feelings for her. Sam finds a second job but it might not be enough. Chris and Kris tell their sperm donor he’s going to be a baby-daddy.

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