Lesbianing with AE! Strip clubs and sex after cheating

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Hey, readers. Send me your sex questions, please. The mail bag is running low on sexy Q’s so hit me up with anything you wanna know, learn or try in bed – or if you need more lesbian dating advice. That works, too.

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I’m engaged, and we’re getting married in two months. The wedding is really small – so we are focusing on spending time with our friends at bachelorette parties since many are not coming to the wedding (destination wedding, Mexico). My wife and I are having separate bachelorette parties, even though our friend group overlaps. My best friend from college is planning mine, and she (this was supposed to be a surprise to me) is planning on taking me to a strip club for a naughty night out. The problem is, a mutual friend checked in with my fiance to see if she was okay with me getting a lap dance for the special night. My wife is definitely NOT okay with the lap dance. I say, it’s one wild night out with my buddies to celebrate getting hitched, and it’s just a lap dance – it’s not like there’s any touching. I was big into the club scene in my wild days but I’ve settled down now. Is one last night out something to freak out over?

-Reformed Ladykiller

Ladykiller, I’m with you. A lap dance can be part of a fun night out, and any dancer appreciates a respectful client who tips well. If you’re going into it with the right attitude — one last wink to the party girl you were before you move on via marriage — there’s no reason it can’t be fun for you and fair to your fiancée.

That said, she’s your fiancée – and this could be one of those flash points that comes up whenever you two disagree if you don’t find some resolution. So it doesn’t really matter whether I give you permission. It matters whether you get it from her, if you get it from her, and how you approach points of conflict in your relationship in general.

It doesn’t really matter whether I give you permission. It matters whether you get it from her, if you get it from her, and how you approach points of conflict in your relationship in general.

Your fiancée is acting jealous and threatened. What matters is less what you do about the lap dance, but how you approach the situation, treat her feelings, and resolve this (plus, you know, if she is legitimately jealous/threatened or if she acts like this to control you, which isn not okay). I’m guessing you know which of the two it is.

When you disagree, does someone always cave so the other gets her way? In the long run, this is a fantastic way to let resentments build up until suddenly you’re having a fight about doing the laundry that’s really a fight about the strip club that’s essentially a fight about every time you pressured her into letting you do what you want to do.

When you disagree, does someone always cave so the other gets her way? In the long run, this is a fantastic way to let resentments build up until suddenly you’re having a fight about doing the laundry that’s really a fight about the strip club that’s essentially a fight about every time you pressured her into letting you do what you want to do.

If you approach the situation less like a battle that one of you has to win, there’s more room for everyone to walk away feeling, ok, maybe not happy, but heard. So tell her what you told me — that you want to go the strip club not to gaze at some titties, but to honor the person you were — the person she fell in love with, by the way — and to enjoy one epic night out with your friends before your big day.

Then let her tell you how she feels and actually listen with an open mind. Maybe for her a strip club is a big betrayal for some reason that will make no sense to you, but be a core belief of hers. If so, then you’ll need to find a way to deal with it together. Since your mutual friends are going to the party, there’s no way for you to get that dance while keeping it a secret from her. Maybe she’ll feel better about it if she goes along. Maybe you and your bestie need to take a secret trip to the strip club the week before, so you can get your dance and keep your fiancée happy.

If you’re whining about the idea of compromising, I have a little secret for you: Marriage is compromise. And you and your fiancée are either the sort of people who can reach an agreement or you’re the sort who count battles won.

Ultimately, if your wife is controlling and unreasonable about these sorts of things, you will reach a tipping point where you can’t face another argument about whether the gogo dancer or the queer bartender or the spin instructor turned you on and you’ll self destruct. You can avoid that now by calling it quits.

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NEXT PAGE – Her Cheating Heart – Here’s What to Do.

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