Archive

“Wynonna Earp” recap (1.09): Too hot, Haught damn

Previously on Wynonna Earp, Officer Nicole Haught flirted with Waverly, Waverly became the keeper of the bones and then smashed the skull in her possession to bits, and Wynonna and Haught got kidnapped by creepers but were eventually saved.

We open with Wynonna pulling a Sarah Manning, drinking and dancing away her pain. Though her bender involves a lot more smiling.

She can’t have a threesome like Sarah did, because every time she gets physically close to a guy she has flashbacks of the creeps that kidnapped her and almost cut her open. One guy doesn’t take the sudden pushback very well and starts to get physical, so Doc steps in. In response, Wynonna runs to the bathroom to throw up. In the bathroom, Wynonna tells Doc that she’d feel better after killing the Seven, but she still has this ball of rage inside her. Doc says maybe she doesn’t want to know what would be left if the rage left, but she tells him that is wildly unhelpful.

Wynonna wonders aloud what Wyatt did to mess things up so bad it’s affecting them now, but all Doc knows is that Wyatt always tried to be good. Wynonna is starting to think no good deeds go unpunished.

The next day, Wynonna struts into the precinct with coffee and swagger for days.

Wynonna woke up with a new sense of purpose, and a feeling like she can kill all the Revenants, that she can be the one to end the curse. But Dolls has a bad weather forecast for Wynonna’s parade… she has to take a psych assessment, and the analyst is waiting for her as they speak. Wynonna reluctantly answers the analyst’s questions, that range from normal “Do you have PTSD?” questions to really inappropriate questions about her sex life.

When it’s over, Wynonna is pissed at Dolls because no matter how terrible the questions were, he just stood there and let her ask them. Dolls is standoffish and not helpful, and Wynonna says that she was scared, and he wasn’t there for her. She wants him to tell her he cares about her, but he either can’t or he won’t. All he does tell her is that she’s suspended and has to turn in her badge.

At Shorty’s, Waverly watches nervously as she tries to serve people and eavesdrop on Gus at the same time.

A dude who heard that Waverly was single starts to ask her out, but she expertly dodges the question while giving him a smooth and unembarrassing way to get out of having to be flat-out rejected. It was a thing of beauty. Wynonna stumbles in and shoos the guy away, and the sisters send joint side-eye to the man who is supposedly a realtor talking to Gus. Wynonna sees a tattoo on his arm and declares that no one is taking anything from them ever again, and follows them an into the bathroom, Peacemaker first. She issues one of her best lines of threats yet but then the man pees his pants, and she realizes she just threatened a regular ol’ human being. Oops.

Across down, some Revenants are guarding the witch’s bones for Bobo when she shows up with a machine gun and takes them all down without breaking a nail. She puts together as much of the skeletons as she can, having to forgo her headless son and take a vertebra from him to complete her other son. She uses her magic to reanimate him, but something went terribly wrong because his face is like something from The Hills Have Eyes. She has to recharge her magic before she can fix him, though, so he’ll just have to wear really big sunglasses until they get out of town.

At the homestead, Wynonna rants to Doc about her terrible morning with Dolls. Doc doesn’t trust Dolls anyway, but there’s more bothering Wynonna than just Dolls. She’s still a little shaken from almost killing an ordinary fella.

She has a sort of bloodlust and it scares her, but Doc understands the feeling. She decides to take his advice to blow off some steam by sexing him up.

In town, Officer Haught turns in her report on the kidnapping and the Sheriff tells her that it’s a load of hooey. Haught says he has to have noticed how weird this town is, but he shrugs it off as small town weirdness. He stares her down until she agrees to redo the report, but as soon as she’s gone, he digs out the report to read it again.

Outside, Nicole runs into Waverly, who asks if they can talk. They have one of those conversations where they’re both talking about different things. Nicole is talking about the weirdness in the town, and Waverly is talking about her new and confusing feelings, but both agree there’s something going on.

Nicole is like “people must whisper about it” and Waverly says SHE didn’t even know about it until Nicole came around, because she’s special. This really confuses Nicole; it’s not like SHE has superpowers. Waverly laughs at this and says maybe the best line in all of television: “You’re a lesbian, not a unicorn, right?” At the mention of unicorns, Nicole assumes Waverly is making fun of her for thinking something supernatural is going on and she storms off, which confuses Waverly, who thought they were talking about her sudden urge to watch t.A.T.u. music videos.

Across town, Bobo stops the Stone Witch’s pink Cadillac before it can gross over the bridge and out of the Ghost River Triangle. They have the bones of the son she was going to leave behind and are surprised (and horrified) when the zombie son comes out of the car. Bobo says that if she gives them the lead she promised him, he’ll let her leave, but she says she doesn’t have it. It’s still in the triangle, but she can’t give it to him just yet. Bobo moves to threaten her, and her son screeches like a rabid pterodactyl. Fed up, Bobo grabs a flamethrower (that I hope makes its way to the Earp girls eventually…like in their hands not shot at them) and burns the leftover bones. Unfortunately, since the zombie brother was made from Adam’s rib, he goes up in flames as well.

In bed with Wynonna, Doc feels the Stone Witch’s pain and wants to use it to find her. Wynonna tries to stop him and says it could be a trap, but he probably doesn’t hear her on account of her still being half naked.

Wynonna is about to tell him a plan that wouldn’t involve him killing the witch and therefore dying himself when she realizes he disappeared without her.

Meanwhile, Sheriff Neadley calls Dolls into his office and says that he knows the Black Badge Division investigates supernatural stuff, even though he’s been looking the other way thus far. He can’t lose his deputy, so he gives Dolls all his research on Bobo and the trailer park. He then invites Dolls over to Shorty’s because sometimes being a local helps you hear all the whispers of the town.

Nicole finds Waverly walking along the road alone in the cold and invites her in the car. When Waverly refuses, Nicole jokingly threatens to use her taser, and that earns her a smile and a cute new passenger.

Nicole apologizes for how the conversation went earlier and maybe they should just start naming things instead of beating around the bush. (No pun intended.) Waverly explains that she’s freaking out because everything is changing too fast, from Shorty’s to her feelings and everything in between. Nicole tells her it’s going to be okay, and Waverly doesn’t understand how she’s so calm after Waverly’s freakout. Nicole says she’s been dating shittickets so doesn’t know what it’s like to be treated well and Waverly snaps, saying they’re not dating. Nicole is hurt; she would never ask Waverly to be something she’s not. Waverly doesn’t want Nicole to ask her to be anything at all, except maybe friends. Nicole sort of rolls her eyes; if Waverly wants to keep lying to herself, she’ll go along with it.

When Doc finds the witch, she’s on the ground begging for someone to take her across the line. But Wynonna was right, and this is a trap, proven by Bobo creeping out with his merry men close behind. Wynonna and Peacemaker weren’t too far behind, but Doc turns his gun on her and threatens her, telling her to stay out of it.

Everyone puts their guns down and tells Bobo that his word is all that’s keeping his men from turning on him, so he has to go through with their deal. Unable to argue that logic, Bobo leaves Doc and Wynonna to deal with the Stone Witch however they choose. Before leaving, Bobo tells Wynonna he has a surprise for her, which is the opposite of what you want to hear from a guy like that.

After serving Dolls and Neadley some coffee at Shorty’s, Waverly confronts Gus about selling the bar. But Gus tells her that she’s meant for more than serving booze to Purgatory locals, and gives her a check for when she’s ready to fly away from this joint. She says that Waverly has been doing what she thinks others want her to do her whole life, but it’s her turn to be true to herself.

Gus says the best things in life are the things and people that surprise us the most and winks at her knowingly. She tells Waverly to keep living her truth, and Waverly takes that advice to heart.

Wynonna and Doc take Constance to a barn, and after she almost impales them with some magic words, Doc binds her wrists and her powers. Wynonna tries to talk some sense into Doc, get him to calm down and think clearly, but he calls her broken and says he doesn’t want her judgment or advice.

The witch enjoys this fight immensely, and compares it to one Doc had with Wyatt Earp all those years ago. Constance says she knows things about the curse, so Wynonna decides to strike a deal of her own. The witch explains that while her husband cursed Wyatt for killing their songs, she decided to twist the knife a little and made a deal with his best friend, causing Wyatt to be disappointed in Doc. Just in case Wyatt would one day come around, the witch then tossed Doc into the well. Doc wants to know if Wyatt ever looked for him, but the witch sure won’t tell.

Wynonna stops him from killing her because she has a slightly more long-term plan instead. She takes them to a salt field, where the witch’s powers will be all but useless.

Waverly, looking like a girl on a mission, storms into the police precinct, ensures that Nicole is the only one on duty, barges into Neadley’s office, and starts closing all the blinds. Practically before Nicole can ask what she’s doing, Waverly closes the office door and climbs her like a tree.

They end up on the couch, and Nicole has to take a breath; not too long ago Waverly was drawing friend zone lines in the sand. But Waverly explains that she’s always wanted to do things that scared her, in theory, but when something scary fell in her lap, she found it harder than she thought to be brave.

Nicole thinks it’s adorable that she, Nicole “can’t help but smile when I see you” Haught made Waverly “I will shoot you with a sawed off shotgun taller than me” Earp nervous. Waverly admits that she wants to be more than friends, that Nicole is the scariest thing she can think of, but also the thing she wants to do most. Literally and figuratively. But Waverly isn’t sure what to do next. Nicole tells her she’s doing just fine, and even tugs her closer with her scarf, but she won’t make the next move. This has to be Waverly’s decision. She wants to make sure Waverly is sure. And oh, is she sure.

With that green light from Waverly, Nicole takes the wheel and flips them over, passionate, excited, almost frantic in its energy. But they do slow down for one kiss, with both of their faces not believing this is happening, but both of them wanting to be in this moment.

And they’re smiling, and it’s sweet, and it’s sexy, and it’s long. It’s everything.

In a far less romantic setting, Wynonna and Doc bury the Stone Witch up to her head. She admits she lost the lead that would get Bobo out of the Ghost River Triangle, and since she’s of no more use to them, they leave her there like she’s being hazed on Scream Queens.

Wynonna heads to the station where Dolls tells her she passed her makeup psych eval with flying colors. Wynonna is impressed, considering she took no such test, but takes it as Dolls’ own way of saying that he cares. As further proof of his adoration of his deputy, he brought her a Revenant, all tied up, practically with a bow.

She pulls out Peacemaker, thrilled, but first he has a message, and he says the look on her face when he gives it will be worth dying for. The message? Bobo bought Shorty’s.

The Revenant laughs as Wynonna shoots him between the eyes.

Bobo and his hooligans take over Shorty’s, breaking stuff and drinking and ruining one of the few safe spaces the Earp girls had left.

Soooo, what did you think of “Bury Me with My Guns On”? WayHaught, right??

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button