The 2014 AfterEllen Dog Draft!

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Welcome to the inaugural 2014 AfterEllen Dog Draft, the competition that will most definitely be better than that other competition happening later this week, because your dogs are eligible to compete in it! Here’s how it works: Head on over to our official AfterEllen Dog Draft Facebook page and submit a photo of your dog. Tell us a little bit about him or her. What position does your dog play? What special skills does your dog have? Then, on Friday, January 31, we’ll post a countdown of the top 50 dogs we drafted!

You can also hit us up on Twitter or Instagram with the hashtag #AEDogDraft!

Below are the adorable entries from our AfterEllen crew.

Frankie the Badass

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Plays for: Grace Chu via her friend Miriam
Breed: Dachshund/Beagle/Jack Russell mix!
Position Played: Wide receiver (you throw it and she will dash!)
Special Skills: 1. can put Usan Bolt to shame in the 100M dash. also she can do the lethal 2. belly roll: one roll and she can paralyze an entire crowd of people. 3. stealing socks and hiding them. 4. incredibly good kisser.

Eloise Petunia Peanutsmith (Ellie)

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Plays for: Emily Donofrio
Breed: Rat Terrier
Position Played: Offense
Special Skills: Swift on her feet and at a hefty nine pounds, this nimble girl can weave in and out of the opposing team with ease.

Henry Brutus Wigglesworth

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Plays for: Emily Donofrio
Breed: Terrier mix
Position Played: Defense
Special Skills: With a quick temper and slight aggression disorder, Henry is an excellent tackler.

Francine “Franny” Fishpaw McManus

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Plays for: Bridget McManus
Breed: Chihuahua/Rat Terrier (and possibly Tasmanian devil)
Position: Running back (this bitch can run!)
Skills: Violent bed humping (which might freak out her opponent), obsessive with food and fetch, can put herself to bed and tuck herself in (it’s adorable) and she seems to feel no pain when she injures herself, which happens a lot!

Taffy Davenport

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Plays for: Karman Kregloe
Breed: Jack Russell/Chihuahua
Position Played: Coach
Special Skills: Outwitting all human and canine opponents, destroying paper products (including the other team’s playbooks), barking at officials

Deleuze aka “The Dooze”

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Plays for: Marcie Bianco
Breed: Chi-mix-of-many-things; some people think she’s a Lancashire Terrier, but that’s very fancy.
Position Played: belly up
Special Skills: bedroom eyes; the ability to make girlfriends love her more than they love me; eating an entire rotisserie chicken in one sitting; snoring louder than a motorbike engine roars.

Scout Portard Hogan

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Plays for: Heather Hogan
Breed: Beagle
Position: Special Teams (punt and kickoff return)
Special Skills: Runs a 4.24 40, impossible to tackle, undaunted by angry spectators, will literally never let go of the ball.

Margaret Jo Hogan

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Plays for: Heather Hogan
Breed: Rocky Road Mix
Position: Water Girl
Special Skills: She just wants you to be happy.

Stella Rue Rafus

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Plays for: Eboni Rafus
Breed: Cairn Terrier/Silky Terrier Mix
Position: QB (because she likes to call the shots)
Special skills: running (especially if she’s chasing rabbits) catching balls in mid air, bobbing and weaving (especially if I’m trying to get something from her that she shouldn’t have) intimidating other dogs with her fierce growling and barking, and despite her small stature, loyally protecting her team.

Lola aka “Dodes”

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Plays for: Trish Bendix
Breed: Pug
Position Played: Linebacker
Special Skills: Stocky but low to the ground, Lola makes up for her lack of speed and endurance by placing herself in the center of the action, and hoping you don’t hit her too hard. She’s also great for any kind of “distraction” plays, with her mouth breathing and the endless sounds emanating from her short-nosed face.

Sydney. Syd Vicious when she’s nasty.

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Plays for: Erika Star
Breed: Corgi
Position Played: Short Stop? Er, I mean, Defensive End.
Special Skills: She’s low to the ground, built like a tank and defends her toy box with her life. She’s able to herd and contain multiple cats, deftly get underfoot when she needs something dropped and is known to attack any dog at the park who is on the receiving end of an enjoyable afternoon chuck-it sesh.

Boomer

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Plays for: Dorothy Snarker
Breed: Long-Haired Chihuahua
Position Played: Running Back
Special Skills: Stealing slippers. Thinking he’s bigger than he actually is. Looking dapper as hell during post-game interviews.

Ginny “Beefsteak” Atwell

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Plays for: Elaine Atwell
Breed: Catahoula Leopard Dog
Position: Tight end (it’s what Jimmy Graham plays)
Special Skills: Energy so boundless she can only be photographed while sleeping, spring-loaded legs, eats all varieties of poop (I guess that’s more of a hobby than a skill)

JP (Jamaica Plain) Guccini-Dougherty

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Plays for: Jill Guccini and Kathy Dougherty
Breed: Shepherd Mix
Position: whatever positions are in football
Special skills: Ferociously licking own asshole, tearing the shit out of toys, barking at the mailman/opponents like a mad woman.

Now, hurry up and enter your dog into the #AEDogDraft!

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