Hello and welcome back to Wentworth (not recommended for viewers at risk for heart attack or stroke). Last week we met Bea Smith, our protagonist, who decided to act out a country song revenge fantasy on her abusive husband by murdering him with his own sedan. She was prevented from executing this admirable plan by her daughter, Debbie, because kids get in the way of everything. Even though the whole family tried to pretend it was a suicide, she still wound up in Wentworth correctional facility. There she met a host a fascinating and terrifying new friends.
Franky Doyle, Clittylicker In Charge: Violent, damaged, and a host of other cautionary adjectives which do absolutely nothing prevent women from falling in love with her.
Kim: Literally zero attributes other than being the aforementioned clit.
Jaqs Holt: The only thing better put together than her outfits are her evil plans. Definitely not Team Franky (probably just jealous).
Liz Birdsworth: Desperately tries to be a mediator in her capacity as Peer Worker. Let us know how that goes, Liz.
Boomer: She just doesn’t know her own strength.
And of course, Kanga and Little Roo: AKA Doreen and Kaiya.
Meg Jackson: Former governor who went and got herself stabbed to death by one of her many enemies.
Will Jackson: The nicest fella to ever wield a truncheon. Unless, of course, his wife getting stabbed somehow affects his outlook on life.
Erica Davidson: My girlfriend accuses me of gushing when I write about her so I will simply say: she is the prison social worker and she has hair, and a face, and other parts, to which you may assign your own qualitative values.
Vera Bennett: Always the deputy, never the governor. Should definitely consider taking her hair down.
Matthew “Fletch” Fletcher: All we know about him is he looks like Pornstache without the ‘Stache.
We catch up to the investigation of Meg’s Murder through the eyes of Will. He’s watching the recordings of Bea and Doreen’s interrogation, which seems like a sad, but normal enough pastime for a grieving spouse. The videos themselves are basically a parade of people saying “it wasn’t me. I just fell into a pool of her blood.” But there’s something curious about the way Will watches them; he skips straight to the good parts like it’s a DVD of Room in Rome. And then the camera pulls out and we see that his apartment is full of wilted funeral flowers, and that Will has been at this task for weeks.
Also dwelling on the events of the riot is Franky, who is busy fingering her scar and answering fan mail. At this point in the season we have no idea why Franky is getting fan mail, unless it is just for her face, which actually seems rational enough. She’s distracted by Doreen, who wants everyone to come celebrate Kaiya’s birthday. If you wondered last week why any parent would bring their child with them to prison, the answer is: because that child is capable of distilling all the joy in the universe into the words “hot potato.” And it’s clear how much all the inmates need her, because if you can make a child happy simply by dancing to The Wiggles, then clearly you’re not such a bad person after all.