For the academidyke “getting off” more often than not pertains to cerebral, rather than sexual, activities. She is a professional scholar entrenched in academia—you know, that furrow-browed friend who can’t-stop-won’t-stop talking about “getting published” and the “academic job market,” and who is spending her holiday frantically finishing her paper for the MLA Convention.
1. Testo Junkie. The academidyke, regardless of her actual discipline, needs to keep up with the latest in queer theory. Beatriz Preciado’s Testo Junkie: Sex, Drugs, and Biopolitics in the Pharmacopornographic Era is the book on every queer’s lips. Read it, or don’t bother to show up at the GL/Q Caucus’s Cash Bar at the MLA…or any other queer academic hub, for that matter. ($13.77)
2. A job-scoring Interfolio account. If you’re without an institutional home or are part of one that exploits you (check and/or check for everyone!), you’ll want to have an Interfolio account, which allows you to build and maintain your dossier for whatever job comes your way (those potential adjunct jobs in Abu Dhabi are the best, no?). Your recommenders can submit their letters directly into your account—no fuss, no muss. Account plans start at $19/year, and Interfolio charges $6 to electronically ship your dossier (more $ for printed dossier shipments). ($19+)
3. A proper fucking briefcase. The standard black or brown leather shoulder bag just will not do. Much like Mary Poppins’ carpet bag, this briefcase needs to hold essentially everything for the busy academidyke: laptop, books, papers, with a few side pockets for personal items like your wallet, phone…and a small bottle of lube—you know, when you’re away at a conference. Michael Kors, usually the bastion of great totes, has gone too commercial, as has Kate Spade, even though the latter has a terrific option to customize your own “weekender bag,” for that personal touch. This messenger bag from OGIO serves as an alternative to the typical leather briefcase, and buy it won’t break the bank. ($64.90)
4. Hot frames. Because everyone is looking at you. Your frames should be sophisticated, yet edgy. Beware of edging too much into hipsterdom, for which you will be roundly dismissed by your colleagues as “youthful,” or, even worse, “a graduate student.” Everyone shits themselves over Warby Parker, but I’d recommend something a little less obvious (and therefore automatically more cool, duh), like a pair from Kala Eyewear. (prices vary)
5. A sweet-ass blazer. Like this one from VEEA Androgynous Fashion, which is tailored specifically for more androgynous female bodies, and which ultimately has more of a professional feel. A blazer—a non-corduroy one, lesbians!—is an essential piece of every academic’s wardrobe. You can dress it up with a fitted shirt for a conference, or you can dress up your pjs by wearing it over your Wonder Woman t-shirt as you rush off extremely late to class. ($295, with $15 off using this code: AE15OFF2013)
— Marcie Bianco