’s Gift Guide for the Gay Girl 2013


For the Closet CaseNEWALI

1. 19 Crimes Shiraz. Let’s be clear: You can have plenty of fun without alcohol—but your closet case can’t. Her oft-heard cries of “I was soooo drunk last night, I don’t know WHO I kissed!” and “Really? I don’t even remember that!” ring a little hollow if she doesn’t lay some groundwork first. While you should never, ever try to take advantage, she’ll appreciate the help in getting to the point where she can pretend those inhibitions are gone. Or at least that she’s up for getting into a cab and going to that one bar, but just because you you want to go there. I recommend 19 Crimes, a delicious Australian shiraz with a rich, complex flavor that fills you with a warm glow. And as a blended wine, it reminds you that sometimes straying outside the standard definitions of what one assumes something is supposed to be can produce uniquely satisfying results. And while she reads the corks, your closet case may just notice what’s not a crime. ($8.49)

2. “I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry/“I Kissed a Girl” by Jill Sobule. What better way to make sure your closeted loved one’s stocking gets stuffed than with music? Your yet-to-blossom pal will openly and secretly love this pairing. She probably already sings along to the first one anyway—it’s the anthem of girls who want to kiss girls but still stay safely straight. And your super-discreet friend will be delighted to learn that the earlier single by Jill Sobule isn’t the original version—it’s a different, better song… One your closet case may want to think about. ($13.98 each)

3. The Girls in 3-B by Valerie Taylor. Recent years have brought a new appreciation of postwar pulp novels and the way their writers quietly dodged mainstream censorship and subverted traditional social boundaries. Valerie Taylor used her mastery of broad-stroke storytelling to juxtapose old-fashioned romantic tropes against the realities of being broke in the big city, the limits on women’s choices, and the tawdriness of furtive make outs in cars, all while mercilessly skewering the sexism of Beat culture. The fact that one of the girls in 3-B just might be discovering a new kind of love is just another way of pushing against traditional social mores in a novel that pushes against so many. It’s totally not a big deal. I don’t even know why you’re bringing it up. ($13.95)

4. Fetching, Handy Organizers. Friend still firmly lodged? We recommend this fetching Indigo 6-compartment hanging sweater bag and companion 10-compartment hanging shoe bag. Because if your buddy intends to stay in that closet, she may as well keep it tidy in there. ($24.99 each)

5. Coleman Women’s Black/Clear Polarized Sunglasses. These sunglasses have flirty styling on the sides that say “Hi! I’m a fun, feminine, (probably) straight girl,” paired with big dark frames that say, “Nunya business who I’m actually checking out.” Plus the UV protection demonstrates your closeted pal’s sincere concern about the sun’s deadly rays, which is the only reason she’s been offering to rub lotion on everyone. Really. ($25.49)

— Ali Davis

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