She’s always out, about and both seen and heard. She knows about all the lesbian parties and rolls into every single event with a pack. She’s a complete narcissist but everyone still loves her. How is that possible? Because life isn’t fair! So, just accept it and to make things even more unfair, buy her presents on top of it!
1. Make Up Forever Glitter. Once upon a time a couple of gay explorers braved wild raccoons and poison ivy and ran to the end of a rainbow and found not gold but glitter. And so every weekend, we must pay our respects, as they risked their ankles and skin quality for bringing us this wonderful discovery. Shine on when you’re getting down on the dance floor! (Tip: don’t just use primer, use glitter glue.) ($15)
2. Photojojo iPhone/Android lens attachments. The Oxford Dictionary announced that “selfie” was the word of the year, and as every scenester knows, the fun didn’t happen unless there are photos. And in the event that, say, Evan Rachel Wood just happens to show up unannounced at a weekday girl party, you’ve got to get a photo with her – and then get her number. (All right, everyone. She’s married. This happened years ago. And it wasn’t me. And it wasn’t just a photo. Shh.) But your arm is only so long, and these front facing cameras can’t fit everyone in. How are you going to prove that you’re having fun on Instagram? The Photojojo wide angle or fisheye lens will ensure you have the hottest selfies on everyone’s feed. ($20 each) And if you want consistent lighting in a nightlife environment, toss in a pocket sized spotlight as well. ($30)
3. Global Decor 170 Rotating 4 Bottle 1-1/2-Ounce Drink Dispenser. What do lesbians do before they hit the club? They’re cheap, so they pregame! Pregaming is both and art and science, and with the Global Decor Rotating Drink Dispenser, you can treat your entourage to perfectly measured 1.5 ounce pours with an aesthetically pleasing appliance that will brighten up your kitchen. Pregaming does not have to be limited to watery beer in solo cups (although there’s nothing wrong with that). ($49.99)
4. Hat from Goorin Bros. Goorin Bros. has brought the art of hat making out of faded black and white photos into 2013. As you know, lesbians love hats as much as they love women, and a lady wearing a hat looks more important that a lady not wearing a hat, and scenesters must always look important so—more often than not—they have or aspire to have a collection of fashionable hats. Every gal has her own style, so I am just going to point to the main website. There you will find enough fedoras, flatcaps, cadet hats, bowlers, beanies, berets, snapbacks, floppies, cloches, panamas and fitted caps to make you look important for the rest of your life. ($25-$200)
5. UBER gift card. It’s 4 a.m. (or 2am in curiously sleepy places like Los Angeles and Boston), and you’re being ushered out of the club, because it’s time to go home. “Where am I?” you ask. I have no idea. Why are you asking me? “Am I OK to drive?” No, seriously, stop asking me. Ask Uber. Uber is a car service and taxi hailer with geolocation. It tells you where you are on a map and hails the nearest cab or car with the touch of a button. Buy your favorite scenester a safe ride home. Because DUI’s and sleeping on the curb—ain’t nobody got time for that! (varies)