“Doctor Who” gives us a samurai sword-wielding, inter-species lesbian couple

Warning: This post contains plot details for for Doctor Who “A Good Man Goes to War.” The episode aired Saturday night in the UK, but won’t air on BBC America until next Saturday, June 11. In other words:

Wibbly wobbly timey wimey! How about that mid-season finale of Doctor Who? Not only did we get one of the most heart-wrenching, game-changing reveals in the history of Who-verse; we also got a samurai sword-wielding, inter-species lesbian couple that could give Torchwood a run for its money in spin-off shenanigans!

First things first — River Song is Melody Pond! River Song is Amy and Rory’s daughter! River Song is fashioned with human DNA and also some bits of the TARDIS! River Song is the sexiest character in the history of the space-time continuum! I know, I know, I’m exclaiming an awful lot, but I’ve watched “A Good Man Goes to War” about a bajillion times now, and I’m still not over how frakking good it was. (I’m also never gonna be over my crush on Alex Kingston, so I’m sure that’s contributing to my mania a little bit.)

The reveal wasn’t a huge surprise for a lot of people. The River-is-Amy’s-daughter theory has been floating around for a long while, and there were plenty of hints during the six-episode build-up to the mid-season finale. But even if you were convinced it was true, there’s no way you could have prepared yourself for the emotional pay-off of seeing River tell the Doctor (and then Amy and Rory) who she really is. The way the Doctor says, “Hello” like he’s seeing her for the first time — which he kind of is, really — and the way she says, “Hello” back, her voice dripping with adoration and familiarity and Alex Kingston’s own personal brand of verbal seduction. Like if velvet had a voice. 

It was one of the best-executed cliffhangers in the history of Who.

Now, how about one of the best-executed lesbian subplots in the history of Who? Oh, yes — I’m talking about Silurian warrior Madame Vastra and her partner, Jenny the Samurai Maid. They make their first appearance when Madame Vastra comes home gloating about killing Jack the Ripper. Jenny leads her to her study, where the TARDIS is waiting, and Madame Vastra goes, “Pack the cases, Jenny. We’re going to need the swords.”

Also, Jenny, butch it up real good. You know how I like it when you thrax an army while wearing a waistcoat.

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