Welcome to roommate heaven, everyone! It’s a place that is, thank goodness, heavy on the gay and light on the scooter jokes. We find Fiona and Charlie here in this roommate heaven, Charlie providing the coffee and Fiona providing the spare key so that Charlie can cut down on her “lascivious flirting” with the doorman.
Charlie’s schedule for the day includes class, work, and volunteering at a homeless shelter and, while that’s super nice of her, considering she couldn’t make rent the last few months, perhaps she should rethink how she’s allotting her time.
Anyway, guess what Charlie has for Fiona? A surprise cat! “You have a cat?” Fiona blanches. “We have a cat,” Charlie corrects her. Mr. Tuxedo Pants, to be specific. Uh, gay. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. First the U-Haul, then the cat. Fiona is doing an excellent job of following the instructions in her lesbian starter kit.
Despite her trepidation about Mr. Tuxedo Pants Surprise Cat, Fiona smiles and assures Charlie that her mother will be fine with the whole arrangement when she gets back from her trip.
At school, Fiona slides up to Holly J to wax poetic about living with “the most beautiful girl on earth.” A skeptical Holly J realizes Fiona hasn’t told her mother yet and fires back, “Does Charlie know she’s a dirty little secret?” Also, Fiona, stop scratching up a storm! Watching you is making my cat allergies act up.
The itching carries over into Fiona’s conversation with Eli about their play (he wants it to open with a song that establishes the theme — you know, one of those things otherwise known as a theme song). Eli spots her scratching, does a quick internet search, and points out to her that she has bed bugs, not cat allergies. “Ew, they have eyes?!” she squeals. Uh, Fiona? I think you missed the point.