1.10 The Bride Wore Black
It’s Christie McCawley and Alak Tarr’s wedding episode and if you’re thinking Casithans have the grossest wedding traditions in all the universes, you are correct. For example, there’s the tradition of having public sex in front of all your bros at your bachelor party with someone who looks like your wife. There’s the tradition of the bride wearing a metal mask on her face so she can’t see what the heck is going on at her wedding until her husband decides it’s time for her to “see the light.” Frankly, the only good thing about marrying a Castithan man is there’s apparently a slim chance you might get to take a bath with Jaime Murray.
Luckily, we don’t have to spend too much time with the bachelor party because the dudes find a rotting corpse in the wall when they’re wrasslin’ around. It’s the dead body of Kenya’s husband, Hunter Bell.
“Kenya’s fingers really are a marvel … at, uh, embroidary.”
So, in one direction, this episode is a murder mystery and everybody’s got a reason they wanted that shtakohead dead. Kenya and Amanda wanted him dead because he was always beating the hell out of Kenya. Datak Tarr wanted him dead because he didn’t respect his rise to power. Rafe McCawley wanted him dead because of something to do with his mines or whatever. In the end it was Mayor Nikki who killed him because — get this crap right here — she is Indogene! I’m not even kidding! Dr. Yewell helped her morph into a human-looking alien so she could take over Defiance so she could find the Kaziri and when Hunter Bell discovered her true identity, she clubbed that wanker over the head! WHAT! That is an awesome reveal! Oh, but it gets better: Dr. Yewell kills Nikki because she’s gone batshit crazy! They keep saying “for the greater good” and trying to outmaneuver each other and then Nikki is just fully dead.
OK, and then there’s the wedding. Rafe finally cottons onto the fact that Datak is only letting his son marry a human because he wants the mines, so he lets Datak know he’s writing Christie out of the will. Datal then calls off the wedding during a heated discussion with Alak, who, by the way, is just wandering around his house wearing a man-diaper. So while Datak storms around town pissing all over the place like an angry pit bull, Rafe and Stahma decide to throw their kids the wedding they deserve. It’s all about the love to them, and Stahma even makes Christie an “old world” veil and sings her a Castithan wedding song and is generally as amazing and seductive and totally fucking terrifying as ever. Datak attends the wedding to save face, even though he is definitely not happy about it and somebody is going to pay.
“Yes, darling, I could, in fact, have sexual tension with a wall.”
Stahma Tarr is one of the most fascinating characters I have ever seen in my life. It’s like, yeah, she’s totally this Machiavellian conniver who is willing to do anything to grab power for her family, but also she really is full of so much love, and also definitely kind of believes that entrenched gender stuff from her old planet. She genuinely has an affection for Christie, even though she also is using her to get rich. She genuinely has an affection for Datak, even though she’s starting to think his patriarchy thing is tired and antiquated. She’s sweet, but she’s dangerous. She’s nurturing, but she’s terrifying. At this point, I really don’t even know if I want to make out with her or run from her or just cuddle up in her lap and let her sing to me. It’s very confusing.
But the most important thing about this episode is that Irisa rebuffs Tommy’s attempts to have a relationship with her … right up until the point where she shows up at the wedding looking like some kind of gorgeous Steampunk nightmare and holds his hand and scowls.
“My knives are still strapped to my thigh, by the way.”
Next week: The mayoral race is in full swing and Stahma’s got her hand in every pot and also in other places that belong to Kenya Rosewater.