Dear Bridget — BTW, great name!
I know you’ve been struggling with your weight, feeling lost in the family as a middle child and you literally have no friends at school and often sit alone at lunch while eating four ice cream sandwiches but I’m here to tell you it’s going to be ok.
First off, you’re lactose intolerant so stop with the ice cream! Secondly use your time in silence to listen to other people and the world around you. That loneliness is actually an opportunity for discovery and self reflection.
Tell your parents you desperately need glasses. The reason you have those terrible migraines is because you can’t focus one inch away from your face. Although you are pretty good at tennis for someone who can’t see.
The good times and bad times are both educational so keep your head up and just know that one day soon you will meet your soulmate who is loving and supportive of all your dreams. And on November 16, 2007, the night you meet your future wife, put on a cuter outfit.
Dear Karman -
I know that you love to learn but hate the social politics of school, but it will all be over soon enough. You will finally go to college, you will come out and conditions will drastically improve. Until then, lay off the Doritos and go for more walks in the woods. One day you will live in a big city and really miss communing with nature. Don’t quit your band. You started it, so if you’re not having fun just fire everyone and start over. Practice telling people how you really feel instead of just always “sucking it up.” Don’t worry about the fact that you have zero interest in all of your male classmates. One day you will actually get married to a woman who is way nicer, funnier and more beautiful than the hottest girl in your high school (yes, I saw you checking her out). Also, calm down about Stevie Nicks. You will meet her one day and she will exceed all of your expectations.
Finally, please write more entries about your big gay feelings in your blue denim-covered journal. It will make you feel better to get it all out and your older self will have a good laugh when she reads them one day.