Drama for beginners â€” After screaming at the tops of their lungs for their teammates, it’s finally Jessica and Gingi’s turn to show what they’ve learned in the past few weeks. They enter the chilly waters and wait for a good wave while Matt and Jenny make more television magic together.
Matt: So, this is a really important heat in this little gentlemen’s bet gone, uh â€¦
Jenny: â€¦ haywire.
Jenny: It’s gone haywire.
Matt: Wow. Lot at risk â€¦ a trip to Hawaii and three new surfboards on the line.
Gingi and Jessica totally get an A for effort. Neither knew how to surf at the start of the show, and yet there they are: Jessica is up, albeit low with knees bent, and Gingi catches some nice, gentle waves of her own. After a few runs, Jessica stops surfing and stands in the shallows, holding her back, grimacing with pain.
Alarmed at the stop in the action, Vanessa yells from shore, "Hawaii, bitch!" and everyone laughs.
Both teams run to the edge of the surf to get a close look at the situation. Erin and Vanessa scream at Jessica to get back out there but to no avail.
Jenny: Jessica’s actually suffering from something â€¦ in her lower back there?
Try three feet higher, just above her shoulders, Jenny.
Matt: You see her grabbing her back there, so a little bit of drama â€¦
Just a little bit. Somehow, we all knew this was coming, didn’t we?
Vanessa: I was totally screaming at Jessica to just feel the pain later. Ya know? Do this now. I mean, like, I was saying everything I could. I was saying "Hawaii," I was saying, like, "surfboard â€¦" You’ll get it later. Just work through the pain and just balls out, just a hundred and ten percent. I think she gave it, like, 80. At the most.
As Jessica spazzes out under the pressure (or her injury, or whatever it is she thinks she’s experiencing), Gingi, good girl that she is, keeps surfing and racking up points. Vanessa turns away and cries exasperatedly, "F—!"
Matt counts down the end of the heat: "Two, one â€¦ and that’s it, ladies and gentlemen." The competition ends â€” not with a bang, but with a whimpering Jessica, who lies on her back in the sand like a beached whale. I can’t wait for Erin to give Jessica something to boo-hoo about. A good pistol-whipping, perhaps?
Matt chats up the judges as they examine their score sheets. It’s close. Too close to call. Michele thinks her rides were longer than Erin’s, although not as fancy. It’s a wash. Jessica admits she was getting tired, but she did the best she could. Erin gives Vanessa and Jessica her "we gave it our best shot" speech, but she’s no idiot.
Erin: I can’t help thinking that, ya know, Jessica [long, eye-rolling pause] set herself up to have a fallback, in case she didn’t do well.
Hmm. And lo, now that the contest is over, Jessica’s back injury seems to have mysteriously healed itself. It’s a miracle!
Git down, git funky â€” I know you’re all on the edge of your sofas to find out who gets the new surfboards and tickets to Hawaii, but first, a musical interlude, courtesy of Von Iva, an off-the-hook girl band from San Francisco that Vanessa knows. Three rocker chicks take the stage and launch into a song.
Von Iva: Turn you out and spin you around â€¦ I’m gonna turn your world upside down â€¦ Git, git down, git down, git, git down â€¦
The Twirl Girls certainly have some interesting moves. Here, Melissa shows Vanessa the dance craze that’s sweeping the nation: the Whip.
Meanwhile, Gingi tries to mount Jessica from behind.
Which gives Jessica some ideas of her own, and she shows them to Vanessa.
That was the best part of the whole show.