Counting down the Top 10 Gayzzoliest moments on “Rizzoli & Isles”

 
 

Everyone’s favorite totally gay, not-gay homicide detective and medical examiner best friends return tonight. Rizzoli & Isles is back for a five-episode mini-season and we couldn’t feel gayer about it. Nor, clearly, can they. So in celebration of Jane and Maura being back together, here is a countdown of their 10 gayzzoliest moments together. But remember, they’re just friends. Friends, I tell you. Friends who sleep in the same bed and stare at each other meaningfully and touch each other in a totally gratuitous, totally gay ways. A look back, at the Top Ten gayest moments of Rizzoli & Isles.

10. “You’re gorgeous, my friend.
Jane shows up in a little black dress and Maura can’t help but stare. And while plying Jane with wine, she also pays her insecure tomboy friend a telling compliment.

Jane: Why are you laughing? Do I look stupid?
Maura: No, are you kidding? Really, you don’t know? You’re gorgeous, my friend.

9. “Do I look badass?”
Jane teaches Maura how to hold and shoot her gun. None of this is a euphemism, but it sure feels like it should be. And then, after a quick tutorial, Maura asks if she looks badass holding Jane’s gun. I can’t make this stuff up, people.

8. Softball.
I don’t think I really need to say any more, do I?

7. Wedding plans.
Let’s just discuss our fantasy wedding plans gazing lovingly at each other and laying together on this bed we carried up together. Sounds perfectly heterosexual, right? Right.

6. “Don’t you touch her!
When serial killer Hoyt captures both Jane and Maura, Jane finds superhuman strength only after he threatens and hurts Maura. And then follows through by quite literally driving a knife (well, scalpel) through his heart. See Jane kill to protect the woman she loves.

5. “You don’t want to sleep with me? Do you?
Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to, Jane. When wondering why Maura could ever be attracted to a blue-collar Boston native, Jane asks the unspoken question in every single one of their scenes together. That head tilt Maura gives her says it all.

4. “Are we having a sleepover or is this your way of telling me you’re attracted to me?
In the very first episode of the show Maura just can’t resist crawling into bed with Jane. And, again, Jane makes with the rhetorical questions. The answer is always “YES,” Jane.

3. “Unzip me.
Jane and Maura swap clothes. In Maura’s office. In front of each other. And Maura has Jane unzip her. And then later Maura confesses that she got hit on twice by women in Jane’s suit. So, you know. Gay.

2. Rack of God moment.
Really, having an entire very special lesbian episode where Jane poses as gay and Maura goes to work in the lesbian bar to catch a killer is enough in and of itself. But then there is that one telling moment. That come to Jesus moment when Jane stares into Maura’s Rack of God and just knows. There is no fighting it. Welcome. You’re home.

1. LLBFFs.
Yep. After all the eye sex and TGTGT and adorable Bickersonsing, our ladies go ahead and just confess it to the world. They are LLBFFs and they don’t care who knows it. Mazel tov. May you lead a long and happy life together.

Right, so what are your favorite totally gayzzoli moments from the show? Watch the premiere tonight at 9 p.m. on TNT and tweet along using the #gayzzoli hashtag. Then come back here Thursdays for the Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recaps.

 
 

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