“Coronation Street” recap: ‘Twas the night before mayhem


Kevin leaves the shop and pretty much as soon as he’s out the door, there’s an explosion and then the tram derails and crashes directly into Coronation Street. The graphics are really good. I mean, I watch a lot of British TV with SFX — God bless you, Merlin — and this is top-notch stuff. Everyone rushes to the scene and there’s screaming and crying and more explosions and just fire, fire everywhere.

Molly and SECRET BABY are trapped in the rubble of the shop; so is Saunita. My darling Rita is also trapped in her shop, and when I saw her there I was more than willing to trade Molly, SECRET BABY, Tyrone, Ashley — who is also trapped — and both of Sian’s parents for her life. Possibly some other people on the street, too, if you want to know the truth. That guy who kidnapped Rosie, for starters.

The emergency team arrives and places everyone behind a barrier so they can cry and wail and break my heart. Tyrone and Kevin dig around and try to save SECRET BABY and also possibly Molly. Rosie’s boyfriend, Hot Jason, is a hero. Remember that kid who knocked his noggin on the floor and almost died? And everyone thought Sophie and Sian had been smacking him ’round the head? That kid’s got perspective. When Jason pulls him out of the fire, he literally goes, “It’s a bit smoky in there.”

Kevin and Tyrone and the emergency team manage to unearth SECRET BABY and so Kevin and Tyrone ride with SECRET BABY in the ambulance to the hospital (starting what will be one long night of back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth for Tyrone. “Ring me if you hear anything!” he always shouts, before returning ten seconds later, all, “Anything new?”)

Sally inexplicably convinces a rescue worker to let her climb down into the rubble of a collapsing building to comfort Molly. Sophie, Sian and Rosie take it in turns to scream at her that she is insane and they’re scared too and how f-cking dare she leave her own children to risk her life to hold some random neighbor’s hand in a burning building. As soon as she gets down there, Sally’s like, “Molly, you never replied to my invitation. Are you and Tyrone and SECRET BABY coming ’round for Christmas?”

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