“Coronation Street” recap: ‘Twas the night before mayhem

 
 

For as long as I’ve been catching up with Corrie, people have been sending me emails and PMs and Tweets about the show’s 50th anniversary and how the writers planned to set the whole world on fire. My initial response was “eh…” and “meh…” because I’ve clocked too many hours of mad-hyped game-changing American TV in which my favorite shows delivered neither “game” nor “changes.” But then, I should have learned my lesson ages ago about doubting Corrie, eh?

The week of their 50th anniversary, Corrie blew up a shop and crashed a tram into the street. It’s a tricky thing to recap because Sophie and Sian didn’t feature too much in the actual crash drama — though Brooke Vincent and Sacha Parkinson acted the hell out of their limited scenes — but games were changed for pretty much everyone around them. Sophie and Rosie are going to be feeling the ramifications of the crash for … at least the next 18 years.

So, ‘Twas the week before Christmas and Sally just could not stop inviting Molly and Tyrone to spend the holidays with her family. Kevin kept telling her to leave it, but Molly phoned and faxed and Tweeted and texted and Facebooked and Tumbled and blogged and hollered and hand-signed and owl posted invitations for Molly and Kevin and SECRET BABY to come on over for some egg nog and pudding. Perhaps SECRET BABY could even stay with the Webster’s on Christmas Eve!

The best part of all Kevin/Sally exchanges are, of course, Rosie’s responses to Kevin/Sally exchanges.

Rosie: You hear that, Soph? Baby Jesus is coming to stay!
Sophie: Or maybe it’s Santa for you with some clothes that actually fit!

Sophie and Sian are in for the night (and thank Santa for that; I’d heard several rumours that Sian was going to get smashed by that tram!). They ask if Sally is going to the stag night/hen party situation happening at the pub, but she sends Kevin out for pudding instead. At the shop are Molly and SECRET BABY. Molly has just come from a six-hour breakup with Tyrone, in which he kept emptying her suitcase and standing in front of the door and stomping his feet and demanding that Molly do something to hurt him even more. And so she did: “Yes, I’m leaving you at Christmas, and I realize that makes me seem like a serious dick, but for my next trick: SECRET BABY is not your baby!”

Molly begs Kevin to leave his family at Christmas too, and he’s like, “But the ice cream will melt.” And Molly fully goes, “Crazier things have happened!”

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