“Coronation Street” recap: The Duckworth Advances

The new boy stops by Tyrone’s place, and when Sian sees him standing there, she says he’d probably have better luck at the garage or the cafe. He tries the garage and gets into a little scuffle with Kevin about how maybe Kevin shouldn’t be shouting out his divorce business on his mobile in the middle of the road while expecting everyone else to be quiet. Kevin offers to smack him in the gob, and just go ahead and start counting. Offers of face-punches: One.

The new boy heads over to the cafe looking for Tyrone, but really looking for Sian, who is somehow getting more and more adorable by the second. He says he’s glad to see her face on account of benevolant people seem to be thin on the ground in Weatherfield.

Sian: Oh yeah?
New Boy: Yeah. You’re the only one that’s given me the time of day. Bloke in the garage gave me a mouthful. And then, girl in the shop? Right stropping mad.
Sian: [trying not to laugh] Really?
New Boy: Yeah. She short-changed me and then accused me of trying it on with her. I pity her boyfriend.
Sian: She hasn’t got one.
New Boy: That explains everything. How about you?
Sian: Nope. Can’t say that I have.

My cheeks are burning from grinning because I watched that scene about ten times in a row just now to transcribe it. Imagine the lesbian characters having an inside joke with the audience! What is this life?

The new boy wants to read Sian’s palm or something, and she’s having so much fun silently mocking him that she lets him. But first she says, “I swear if there’s any funny business, I’ll be giving you a palm right across the face.” Which: Offers of face-punches: Two! He talks some nonsense about her chi and she goes, “Am I supposed to be feeling something?” He says if she gives it time, she’ll definitely be feeling something, and she almost can’t contain her laughter anymore, because have you seen her girlfriend, mate? Sophie walks in and sees him holding her hand, and Sian really does almost actually explode with actual laughter because Sophie nearly clocks him without asking questions.

Sophie goes, “What the hell is going on?” And new boy tells her to bugger off. Kevin walks in just in time to hear it and is like, “Don’t speak to my daughter that way!” New boy’s brain is about to be stretched to the maths limit. First he puts two and two together: The Weatherfield Welcoming Committee are father and daughter. And then Sophie’s like, “Unhand my girlfriend, you fiend!” And new boy doesn’t know if that’s addition or subtraction or multiplication or what. His brain whirs around for a second and the he says, “What a waste.”

He clarifies that he doesn’t think it’s a waste that Sian’s a lesbian; he thinks it’s a waste that she’s with Sophie. And then Kevin jumps in with the third and final threat of physical violence of the day: “Are you looking for a slap?! Apologize or we’re taking this outside!” Offers of face-punches: Three! In five minutes of screen time! New boy, you are trouble!

Sian spots Tyrone and sends new boy on his way, but new boy is about to get a name. He introduces himself to Tyrone as Tommy Duckworth. And if you’re not a long time viewer, let me tell it to you like this: Tommy Duckworth is the grandson of Jack Duckworth. Jack Duckworth was the father figure to ol’ Tyrone. Such a father figure, in fact, that Tyrone and Molly named SECRET BABY after him. SECRET BABY JACK! WHOSE NAMESAKE IS NOW DEAD!

The music goes dun! dun! dun!, and the last thing you hear is Sophie, all, “Sweetheart, I really think you ought to wash your hands.”

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