“Coronation Street” recap: Muggles and O.W.L.S.

Sian wants to have some champagne and chocolate [chip cookies?!] to celebrate, and I have it on good authority that this is how Sophie responds: "Are you joking? Can you imagine my mum comes over for a Curly Whirly and then there’s me and you bladdered on the floor with our champagne bottles?"

Is that … is she quoting lines from Dr. Seuss? Are the Curly Whirlys cousins of the Whos? "What cackhanded numpties we would be if the bladdered Curly Whiryls found us flattened on the floor! In the store! Out the door!" "You’re a bore! Pour me more!"

Corrie is having a most profound impact on my vocabulary.

There is a woman who is named Claire and she has a lot of kids and she also is babysitting a lot of kids. She is a ginger mum and I am tempted to call her a Weasley because of both of those things, but her hair’s a bit too light — lighter even than my non-Weasley favorite ginger, Amy Pond — and Ron from the birthday party is nowhere to be found. Also, frankly, she comes off like a Muggle by the end of this episode anyway. So Muggle Claire gets a call that her mum is in the hospital. She rushes down to the shop where Sophie says she’ll take care of the kids, just to go. And Sian says she’ll tend the till.

Later that night, while Sophie and Sian are upstairs wrestling the kids to bed, two of the downstairs kids gets get into a scuffle over a Nintendo DS. One of them falls and bonks his head and stays on the floor an awfully long time — I mean, really! It’s carpeted and it’s less than a two foot drop! — before getting up and cuddling back with the other kid.

Sophie rushes downstairs all, "Did one of you just crush your skull in a way that is going to harsh the buzz of my future makeout sessions with Sian?" They say no. And she believes them, even though I know she grew up on this very street, where a person can get an incurable cancer by going to the post office.

After the kids are in bed, Sophie and Sian snuggle on the couch.

Sian: Can you imagine doing this all the time? Just hanging out and watching telly?
: I know. That wallpaper would have to go, though.

Free tip: When you have your legs in a girl’s lap and she’s playing with her ponytail like that, she wants to kiss you.

And man. I told myself I wasn’t going to do this. Damn you, British TV! Your honesty is a marvel to me! You know what’s the sweetest about this scene? Remember when Sophie said she wanted to watch TV without Rosie sitting between them? Just so she could hold Sian’s hand? This is an allusion to that, of course. But also it is an allusion to that thing earlier, down in the shop, about the future. On one level it’s a longing to simply being able to watch TV at the Webster’s without having to hide their affection. But on the other level, they’re both saying our telly, our wallpaper. It’s a longing to know this matters beyond their youth. Which is so, so real.

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