“Coronation Street” recap: Little Lezzer Love


Sophie’s mum, you remember, has been staying with her sister because of cancer. But she’s home now and for this momentous occasion, Sophie’s dad has purchased … an iron barbecue — because nothing says "congratulations on living!" quite like a burger and chips. Rosie — who is wearing something she lifted from a Cabbage Patch Doll — tells her mum she "looks like she wants to get off" with the barbecue, and Sally says she kind of does. (See, that’s what happens when The Gays start marrying! Men start proposing to their cats! Housewives start shagging their garden appliances!)

Sian shows up to the garden party with flowers and Sally thanks her for being there for Sophie while she was away. She says, "Good friends are important!" And Sophie and Sian wink and giggle and crawl all over each other in the "friendliest" way possible.

The subject of prom comes up and Sally says Sophie and Sian need a "nice strapping lad" on their arms, at least for a photo-op. Sian has a little laugh about how they’re going by themselves, but are going to arrive at prom at the exact same time, and Sophie gets all angsty and drags Sian away from the garden party. Which: one of my favorite things about soaps is how no one ever stays in the same place for more than six seconds. Characters can’t just have a conversation and then wait patiently for the scene to change. They’ve got to, like, get on a ferry and pop round to the shops for some milk and attend a bar mitzvah and crash on a feelings bench and bake a steak and kidney pie and take the car to the mechanic and post a letter and visit an ailing relative and attend church — all before the first commercial break.

Sally offers to take the girls shopping for their prom dresses. She notices that Sian has a PARALYZING PAIN in her abdomen and asks if she’s OK, and Sian’s like, "Yeah, just haven’t been to the hospital yet today. I usually go when I get home from riding the bus around the block just for funsies!" Actually she says she’s fine and Sally says it’s probably dress-shopping nerves, which is totally valid. Shopping makes me want to vomit too.

Sian’s ex-boyfriend Ryan pounces when they return from shopping, wondering where they’ve been, what they’ve been doing, who they were with. Because apparently there is no Facebook or Twitter or other internet-approved way to stalk your ex in Weatherfield. Sophie gets a text informing her that she has to meet with the prom committee before prom, which means she and Sian can’t arrive at prom at the exact same time. Sian’s bummed, but she’s got other things to worry about. Like the PARALYZING PAIN in her abdomen. She explains to Ryan that she and Sophie were going to arrive at prom at the exact same time for moral support. She says, "Who needs boys, eh?"

Who indeed!

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