Afternoon Delight: Lindsay has fangs, Cat Cora discovers her inner pirate

Good afternoon everyone! I’ve missed you all so much and I brought you a souvenir T-shirt that reads, “An AE columnist went to Isla Mujeres for a week and all we got was this lousy T-shirt.” You’re welcome!

This morning, NBC’s Today co-host Meredith Vieira announced that, after five years on the popular morning show, she is stepping away from the news desk and Ann Curry will replace her as co-anchor. Good luck to Vieira in all her future endeavors and congratulations to Curry, whom I absolutely adore!

If you’re a contemporary dance wanna-be like me and comedian Cat Davis (Is This Awesome?), then you should be excited to learn that Fox has announced So You Think You Can Dance will be premiering on May 26. Emmy-winning choreographer and dancer Mia Michaels had better return to the show or else I’ll — who am I kidding? I’ll watch the show no matter what. And I better finish this column fast so I can start stretching.

In unimportant non-news, Paris Hilton apologized to Lindsay Lohan for making fun of the starlet during a promo for Hilton’s upcoming and hopefully soon-to-be cancelled reality show Life According to Paris, which debuts June 1 on Oxygen. (Oxygen, I’m very disappointed in you! My mother always said that people will judge you by who you associate with and I’m seriously judging you. Love, Bridget.)

In the show’s preview, Hilton is seen hanging out with a few homeless women (you know, like she normally does) and offers her earrings to them. (Why doesn’t she give them food or money instead?) The woman mistakes Hilton for Lohan and says that the earrings are a present from “Lindsay.” Hilton responds, “I am not her. I am not Lindsay. If I were Lindsay, I’d be stealing the earrings, not giving them away.” Hilton gave a sincere apology to Lohan via TMZ (whenever I’m really sorry I give a public apology to TMZ, too.), saying, “I apologize to Lindsay for the comment that I made. I was joking around but it was thoughtless and unnecessary.” I’m glad Hilton apologized but I’m still not watching her show.

Speaking of Lohan, the lovely lady sported sultry red lipstick and fangs to portray a vampire in the photo exhibit, “Life is Not a Fairytale.” The photos debuted Saturday night in an East Los Angeles warehouse. (That sounds appropriate for a vampire exhibit, and a little sketchy.)

Photographer Tyler Shields told People magazine that, “Lindsay loves vampires. It’s well documented that she is a vampire fan, and I said we need to do the craziest vampire mouth shot ever with her mouth.” Who’s documenting Lohan’s love for vampires? Is that a paying gig and if so how can I apply for that job?

Like a bad rash, Lady Gaga just won’t go away. The artist has announced that her third single, “The Edge Of Glory,” from her upcoming album Born This Way, will be released this afternoon on iTunes. Born This Way will drop on May 23, will you catch it as it falls?

If you’re a Gaga fan (sorry about my above tasteless comment), check her out this Wednesday on American Idol. Gaga stops by the show to help out the four remaining constants: James Durbin, Scotty McCreery, Lauren Alaina and Haley Reinhart. (I’ll be watching reruns of The Voice on E!)

Jodie Foster’s indie drama The Beaver had a limited release this weekend and grossed a mere $104,000. Even though I could really use $104,000, the studio that financed the $19 million film is “underwhelmed” by that figure. If you want to check out Foster’s directing skills and see how she performs opposite a puppet, The Beaver will be released into more theaters next Friday May 20 and Foster will be stopping by The Tonight Show with Jay Leno this Friday, May 13.

The Beaver also co-stars Jennifer Lawrence. Did you know that? The lovely Hunger Games actress graces the cover of June’s Flare magazine (out May 16) and shows off her tiny waistline while exclaiming that she hates dieting (who doesn’t?) and she doesn’t mind “looking a little chubby.” Chubby? Does she look chubby to you?

She told Flare, “I don’t really diet or anything. I’m miserable when I’m dieting and I like the way I look. I’m really sick of all these actresses looking like birds … I’d rather look a little chubby on camera and look like a person in real life, than look great onscreen and look like a scarecrow in real life.” If Lawrence is “chubby” then I’m morbidly obese. These Hollywood standards are really annoying and always make me hungry. I’m getting up to make a peanut butter milkshake. Hold please.

OK, I’m back and I’m full. One thing I’m never full of is movies starring Sheetal Sheth. The fabulous and gorgeous actress (who’s even more beautiful in real-life than in movies, if you can believe it) stars in the upcoming sex comedy Yes We’re Open, co-starring Lynn Chen (Saving Face).

Chen plays a woman in a straight monogamous relationship that transforms into a polyamorous relationship when she and her partner are introduced to the polyamorous Sheth and her swinging boyfriend. I asked Sheth to comment on the film and she told me, “Love working with Lynn Chen and Parry Shen in a film that explores relationships in a whole new way … with a cherry on top!” This film should definitely be fun.

If you enjoy hearing about women who kiss each, other check out this recap of last night’s The Real Housewives of Orange County in which Tamra Barney confirms that she did make out with her lesbian trainer, Fernanda Rocha, while she was still married to her husband, Simon. Did Barney have to pay for that training session?

The high court of Brazil has ruled to legalize same-sex civil unions, giving legal rights such as alimony and retirement benefits to gay couples. Marcelo Cerqueira, of the gay rights organization Grupo Gay da Bahia, said of this tremendous victory, “This is a historic moment for all Brazilians, not just homosexuals. This judgment will change everything for us in society – and for the better. Gays, lesbians and transsexuals will be recognized as being more human. We’ll be more accepted by having our rights honored. This ruling will help. The violence comes about because of impunity for those who commit it. When a country judges a case like this in favor of us, it will have an impact across the judicial and law enforcement sectors.”

If you’re in Los Angeles this Wednesday stop by the Bloomington DVD release party at Haute (65 North Robertson Blvd West Hollywood, CA), which runs from 10:00 pm – to 2:00 am (and will be hosted by PYT).

L Word actress Elizabeth Keener recently made an appearance at this year’s Dinah Shore weekend as host of the “Celesbian Dodgeball Competition.” Keener obviously knows how to deal with rowdy lesbians and rowdy children, as you can see from her appearance below in the Samsung commercial which is currently airing on every channel I turn to.

Lesbian/Bi Photo of the Day:

Iron Chef Cat Cora, her wife Jennifer and their two oldest sons, Caje and Zoran, attended the Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides premiere this weekend in true swashbuckling style. (Is it strange that my wife and I also own those exact outfits?)

Enjoy the rest of your Monday!

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