This week, Naya Rivera told Vanity Fair she thinks Sade makes the best lesbian make out music. I knew the writers at AfterEllen.com would have some ideas of their own. Needless to say, we all know much more about one another now, and probably pictured some of it in the process.
Alright, crew: What’s the ideal soundtrack when it comes to romancing ladies with your mouth?
Mia Jones: I’m going with Goldfrapp on this one. It’s dancey enough to get a good rhythm going whether you are vertical or horizontal but slow enough to make it passionate vs. slutty.
Courtney Gillette: Give me Portishead‘s debut album Dummy, seven-in-heaven with my girlfriend and call it a Saturday night. Beth Gibbons is like the Marvin Gaye of ‘90s indie music. Who doesn’t wanna lock lips when listening to her croon? A few chords from “Mysterons” or “It’s A Fire,” and I’m freshening my breath, lookin’ for a spot on the make out couch.
Lindsey Byrnes: Portishead is the best makeout record ever!
Drummerdeeds: I second Courtney’s Portishead choice. “Glory Box” is one of the sexiest songs ever written.
I actually have a playlist entitled “Mmmm.” No, I’m not a creep, but I have to put a lot of thought into make-out music, always customizing depending on the lady friend. This lovely compilation features slow jam must-haves, including “Destiny” by Zero 7, “Nothing Even Matters” by Ms. Lauryn Hill and D’Angelo, “What’s It Gonna Be” by Janet Jackson and Busta Rhymes (if you’re really feeling nasty), “Call My Name” by Prince, “Brown Skin” by India Arie and “Six Underground” by Sneaker Pimps.
Seriously — the perfect soundtrack to the perfect Sapphic sleepover. You bring the PJs, I’ll provide the playlist.
Lesley Goldberg: You bring PJs to Sapphic sleepovers?
Drummerdeeds: Only if they look like these.
Thank you, Carmen, for bringing the fun and games — and red undies — to sleepovers.
Trish Bendix: I know way too much about all of you now.
Grace Chu: Sharing is caring!
Drummerdeeds: What about you, Trish?
Trish Bendix: I agree with Courtney on Portishead, but in the interest of choosing something different, I will go with R. Kelly. And I’m serious.
Dorothy Snarker: Oh, God. R. Kelly? Clearly you never saw the Dave Chappelle spoof. Because then you’d never associate him with sexytime. Unless we’re learning something very private about you, Trish. LOL!
Trish Bendix: OMG could you imagine? Please, let’s not.
I am talking about his songs like “Feeling On Yo Booty” and “You Remind Me of My Jeep.” Jamz.
Mia Jones: Damn I should’ve put more thought into mine obviously. I’d like to add Erykah Badu, Lauryn Hill and Jill Scott. Yes please!
Drummerdeeds: Trish, I don’t see nothin’ wrong with a little bump n’ grind.
Trish Bendix: For further explanation, I offer that I find R. Kelly’s music just as humorous as I find it sexy, and my girlfriend hates him. AKA this is an unfulfilled dream to have him serenade my sexy time.
Dorothy Snarker: I could listen to Sara Ramirez sing Brandi Carlile all day, every day.
I could also listen to Brandi Carlile sing Brandi Carlile all day, every day. If those voices don’t get you snogging, something is seriously wrong with your snog sensor. I mean, isn’t “The Story” some sort of universal lesbian anthem?
But for the classic, pop in a little Billie Holiday and light some candles. How you doin?
Lesley Goldberg: I’m with Snarker on this one: Brandi Carlile FTW. And while we’re talking lesbian anthems, Melissa Ferrick‘s “Drive” has got to be the definitive lay her down, lick her up tune.
Also great: A Fine Frenzy and maybe a little Patsy Cline for when you want to kick it up a notch. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t plug my beloved Sarah McLachlan‘s Fumbling here.
Grace Chu: Here’s my entry in haiku:
Heather Hogan: My friends have suggested some really lovely lesbian make out soundtracks — as long as you don’t end up making out with a lesbian who has a case of ADHD so pronounced that background noise and foreground noise flip places willy nilly, and so all of a sudden you’re in the corner on the bookshelf and your girlfriend has her hand up Patsy Cline‘s shirt and you’re like “That’s really nice” but all your girlfriend can hear is Patsy crooning “Crazy, crazy, crazy” over and over again until her head explodes. (And not in a good way.)
There are plenty of advantages to making out with a girl who has ADHD. For one thing, she is probably adept at using her hand to do 37 different things at one time. But if you want it to work — if you really, really want it to work — the best make out soundtrack you can offer her is white noise. Like a nice, solid box fan set to medium.
The Linster: I’m with Heather — and I don’t even have ADHD. White noise allows focus on what’s important. Nothing is worse than starting to sing along with the background music as your special woman is doing her special move. Wait — one thing is worse: Saxophone. Sax and sex are mutually exclusive.
A saxophone solo is like fingernails on a chalkboard, and whoever decided that New Age music was the perfect way to set a romantic mood should be marched before a firing squad and shot — and made to listen to Kenny G the whole time.
Bridget McManus: Fiona Apple. In college I played her debut album Tidal over and over again as I tried to seduce my prey. Actually it didn’t work so maybe it isn’t the best musical choice for getting it on or I just had no game. I think it’s the latter.
Karman Kregloe: Back in the olden days, I gravitated to dreamy fare like Roxy Music, Portishead and Cocteau Twins. Then I switched gears to D’Angelo, Jill Scott and Alicia Keys. In the modern era, I have been known to enjoy Eminem and 50 Cent. Yeah, I already feel like I’ve said too much. Am I the only one who is uncomfortable with this Huddle topic?
Who does it for you? Is there a playlist? Special album? Silence?