The trusty website, UrbanDictionary.com, has several definitions for the term lesbro:
1. A man who has more friendships with lesbians than other women or men.
2. The male equivalent of a fag hag.
3. A heterosexual man who is either one or both of the following: a brother to one or more lesbian sisters, or, friends with a disproportionate amount of homosexual women. “Wow, your brother really only hangs out with gay girls, doesn’t he! And you’re a big gay yourself, sister! What a lesbro you’ve got there!”
To us, a lesbro is a little bit of all, but at his core, a lesbro is a male friend to at least one, but possibly several, lesbians. This column shares a little bit about some famous lesbros that we love.
This week’s Lesbro: Lukas Previn.
Lukas is a 27-year-old freelance musician from Brighton, England, who moved to America as a kid. He started working as a professional musician at 15, and has played with Scissor Sisters, La Dispute, Raffi, Gloria Estefan among others. He is currently on tour with the band Thursday.
AfterEllen.com: Of the above three definitions of a lesbro, which do you think describes you best?
Lukas Previn: Number 2. I honestly couldn’t tell you what it is about me. I’ve done a lot of personal archeology about it and have come up short for answers but the few I have found include:
a) I think that it takes a hell of a lot courage to be openly gay in a country whose policy on homosexuality is stuck in the dark ages politically and socially (with exceptions of course). And I would imagine the act of coming out and baring it all against the odds makes you incredibly secure in who you are. I am drawn to sincerity in humans more than anything else.
b) Being secure in who you are allows you to express “sensitivity” and “feelings.” I have those. A lot of straight men are afraid of those things and a lot of straight women find that the overuse of both garners them attention – both of which are characteristics that are a huge turn off for me in any interaction.
c) I look like a twink to the boys, and a soft-butch to the ladies.
AE: What is the best thing about your lesbian friend/s?
LP: The fact that all of my lesbian friends are honest with me. There is no hidden pretense of secret desire for sex so it allows a totally open discourse without the hormonal cloud overtaking everything. I like that I’m accepted almost exclusively for who I am, no matter what.
I don’t know if this permeates throughout, but a good majority of my lesbian friends happen to be amazing at concocting baked goods.
It’s far more fun to check out girls with my lesbian friends. My friends get me noticing parts of the female anatomy that no heterosexual male would ever point out.
And – last but not least – the incredible oral sex tips.
AE: Do you think that having lesbian friends has anything to do with where you fall on the Kinsey scale? Care to comment on your own sexuality?
LP: It absolutely has an impact on my Kinsey scale rating (1). Having LGBT friends who consistently reinforced that all sexuality is natural and beautiful encouraged me to not be afraid to question my sexuality without guilt and that no attraction between two consenting humans was anything to look at in any way other than to see love express itself.
As far as my sexuality goes, I am straight with the ability to know a good looking man when I see one, even though the thought of his bits doesn’t make my bits tingle in the least.
AE: What stereotype about lesbians have you found to be false?
LP: That all lesbians are going to be aggressively forceful about their lifestyle and won’t have feminine qualities to their looks or attitude; That all lesbians have hairy armpits and listen to Tori Amos; that lesbians are all good at softball.
AE: What do you think it is specifically that draws you towards being friends with lesbians?
LP: The short answer is the crass talk. The long answer is that I’m not drawn to being friends with lesbians, I’m drawn to being friends with people who are amazeballs and I am lucky enough to have led an open minded life that allowed me to find myself, more often than most heterosexual males, in situations where I got to spend time with the LGBT community and subsequently got to meet some of the most incredible beings on this earth.
AE: How have your girlfriends responded to your friendships with lesbians?
LP: Well I am currently single, but the two big relationships I’ve had in my life were both with bisexual women. Not the “I kiss my bestie on the lips in the foam pit at Cabo Wabo, so that the boys think I’m sexy/dangerous” bisexual either. So if anything my girlfriends loved my lesbian friends – sometimes too much.
AE: Wow, did they ever cheat on you with your friends or date them after your relationship ended?
LP: Well, not exactly. I was always OK with my bisexual girlfriends exploring the other half of their sexuality as long as there was complete disclosure and that if it ever began to affect the level of our personal relationship that we would have to re-asses the boundaries. That all sounds great. But execution of the idea was not always quite so seamless as the philosophical nonchalant nature of my disposition to the concept of mild polygamy.
AE: You were exposed to the LGBT community from an early age since your mother’s best friend was trans. At what age do your mother explain sexuality to you?
LP: Well the birds and the bees were explained by my brother at around age seven in a fit of giggles. However, sexuality was explained to me in a much more subtle and unorthodox manner. During my adolescence, my aunt was working as a counselor for people undergoing gender reassignment so I had heard many stories about her job long before It was explained to me that this was not the “norm.”
As far as I knew, deciding to not be a man or woman any longer was as normal as getting fed up with your old car and buying a new one. I don’t think sexuality was ever a sit-down topic beyond the explanation/reassurance that I was allowed to fall in love with whomever I wanted no matter what anyone else said. My sister absolutely was crushed that I was not gay. She would ask me almost daily if I was absolutely sure that none of the male leads on 90210 made my bits tingle and, to this day, I think she still is bitter that I never fulfilled her dream of having a gay brother.
To be fair, and slightly candid, the first time I was ever confronted with something sexual not being OK was when my adopted sister started having a very public open affair with a man who was, at the time, her step-father, but who became her husband (and step-brother to me). I was told that incest of any kind was obviously wrong and that it had never been brought up before because it wasn’t even on the radar as a possibility. I’m pretty sure it was during this conversation that my brother also added “Oh and getting s–t on isn’t wrong; its just f—ing weird.”
AE: That all sounds very complicated! How was it that your family dealt with that? And may I ask if you are still in touch with your adopted sister and now step brother?
LP: My family dealt with it like any group of lunatics would: total collapse followed by slow rebuilding. The most important bonds grew stronger and the ones that were built on stilts naturally fell. I think a lot of people in my life assumed that my outlook on it all must have been 100 percent fueled by evenings with Joy Division records, unmarked red candles adorning my gothic unpainted shelving and carelessly dropping the ashes of an apathetic cigarette onto my pile of razor blades. Well f–k that. I started touring and got the f–k out!
As far as my adopted sister and step brother, I am in loose contact. They are quite particular about their press (ask a certain clothing company that used a billboard without consent), but let’s just say me and her share a last name, and he wrote and directed a movie that rhymes with Manly Ball.
AE: Are you currently active in supporting the trans and queer community in any way?
JP: Well Thursday often dedicates a song in our set to women’s rights, I think that part of my support is spreading the completely “unfazed” attitude towards the community in all the bizarre situations and different places I find myself in. I find that disarming uninformed people by talking about living life alongside the community without thinking that it makes you any different (negatively) is a powerful tool.
Showing someone that they can have the queer community in their life and not have it change anything at all and that it’s perfectly normal is awesome. I also support the community by being happily mistaken for a member every single day when I take my 10-pound chihuahua on a walk around Brooklyn while I sip a chai latte with a double shot.
Follow Lukas on Twitter @lukaspnyc.
