How to Be a Gay Lady – Manners for the Modern Lesbian: Lesson Fifteen

Lesson Fifteen: She’s a fixer-upper. How to change your girlfriend to better suit your needs.

Why hello there young gay lady. I hear you’ve snaffled yourself a lovely new lesbian-life-partner. Congratulations! She’s beautiful, is she not? Well, obviously aside from that nasty smoking habit, of course. And those slightly, uh, retro shoes. And those rather bothersome little friends she chooses to socialise with. But never mind, you can change all that! Gently, delicately, and with the utmost of etiquette, you can easily transform that little diamond in the rough into the lady-lover of your dreams.

Lead by elegant example

Sometimes, a girl may simply need a little guidance. If your ladyfriend is a little on the square side, take her along with you to your next scheduled tattooist appointment. If her favourite guilty pleasure film is Dumb and Dumber, sweetly insist she come along to your next favourite art house film marathon. Gently make clear to her that her own tastes are entirely inferior and before you know it, you’ll have the wonderful, sycophantic relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

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