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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (September 10, 2010): Siophie vs. Naomily, smoking makes you gay, Emma Watson’s still not a lesbian

How I Met Your Mother. The show’s new season premiere will include one of the guys’ ex-girlfriends who has since turned gay. I trust a show starring Neil Patrick Harris to not offend us horribly.

ACNE. The denim company has created a line for “transvestites and crossdressers,” but they’re also ideal for the butch woman. Well, the rich butch woman.

Meghan McCain. John McCain’s daughter went on The Rachel Maddow Show this week to talk about DADT, proving she’s still so much smarter than her father.

Oscar buzz for Natalie Portman. With Black Swan slaying in Venice and poised for a big follow-up at TIFF this month, it’s looking good for the ballerina with bisexual tendencies.

Deftones. The nu-metal band might be full of dudes, but they treated their gayish women well in the new video for “Sex Tape.” It’s beautifully Sapphic and we don’t even have to mute to enjoy it.

DeAnne Smith. Lesbian relationships are so comical, we can’t help but LOL when we see it unfold between animated characters. Thanks to DeAnne, we can mock ourselves easier, or send the link to those who ask too many questions about what gay women, you know, do.

The xx. Romy Madley Croft is the out singer of England’s biggest band of the last year. This week, they won $30k and the Mercury Prize for it. Don’t spend it all on one andro haircut!

Jackie Warner. Thintervention looks like it might actually be more about the people trying to lose weight and less about Jackie’s dysfunctional life, but still featuring her abs. Win/win!

Coronation Street The teen lesbian storyline is going so well, we almost can’t believe it’s a soap opera.

Ellen DeGeneres. Her appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman reinforced that Ellen has a sense of humor about herself and that she’s married to a hot chick.

Homophobic athletes. Aussie swimmer Stephanie Rice used the “f-a-g” word on Twitter, so Jaguar dropped their sponsorship. She later apologized, but it could be only because she lost out on the cash. Also, sports commentators Floyd Marryweather and Dan Hampton used the same word on air. Someone take away their money!

Snooki’s Sapphic tendencies. New reports from Star magazine insist the reality star beds her cast mate Deena Cortese on a regular basis. Even if that’s true, we still don’t claim her. She’s a LUS &mdsah; Lesbian Until Sober or, as Tyra would say, a barsexual.

Cathedral High School. A Springfield, Mass. high school forced their lesbian dean to resign after she married her partner. So it was all good when she was gay, but not OK when she entered into holy matrimony. I’m not Catholic, but I’m pretty sure that deserves several Hail Marys.

Misleading lesbian-esque clips. The trailer for Never Let Me Go gave us a glimpse of a kiss between Keira Knightley and Carey Mulligan, but a longer clip lets us know it wasn’t anything romantic or sexual. What a let down!

Nicki Minaj. The MC is part of Out magazine’s new tastemaker issue. I suppose it doesn’t matter to them she feigned bisexuality until she became the biggest thing in hip-hop. I give them too much credit.

Matthew Lipman. Stereotyping all lesbians because of one experience with a lesbian doesn’t make your poem any better. Forgetting this writer exists starting right now.

Danielle Staub. We can’t ever get away from the hot mess and now, she’s saying she’s had several lesbian relationships in her lifetime. We’re not expecting any women to come forward and admit to it.

Target. With fall approaching, we need new wardrobes and mouthwash. Get it together and give us your money, already.

XBox. They might have been trying to prevent an anti-LGBT slur, but Microsoft acted prematurely when they suspended a user’s account for putting in that he lived in Fort Gay, W. Va. He really does live in Fort Gay, W. Va.

Rev. Terry Jones and his Dove World Outreach Center. Burning the Quran is the worst idea we’ve heard since this guy decided to name his church after a bird.

– by Trish Bendix

This week a lot of you had a lot to say about how Sophie and Sian on Coronation Street stack up against Naomi and Emily on Skins. The comparison is inevitable, of course: They’re both lesbian teen couples from the UK. And so, as a person with a little experience judging British telly, Trish Bendix asked me to hold a formal fisticuffs to decide once and for all which couple is best. I selected ten random criteria that make up a good lesbian storyline and then measured Corrie and Skins against them. Here’s how it shook down:

Jeepers H. Christmas, will you look at that? They’re dead even! Two shows on UK television that have positive, authentic, well-acted, well-written, beloved lesbian storylines! You know who is the winner? Lesbians! Lesbians are the winner!

(You know who is the loser? American primetime TV. Take some notes, wankers.)

– by Heather Hogan

The Onion never fails to amuse with their satire, and this week’s video is no different. Watch until the end for the lesbian content, but the whole clip is hilarious.

So are they trying to get gay people to continue smoking or stop smoking? They’re obviously targeting homophobic straight people or closet cases.

Katee Sackhoff has finally signed on to star on CSI, three years after initially talking to the show about coming on the squad. She’ll first appear in November, around Sweeps time.

Ellen DeGeneres was on Broadway this week, making an appearance as the nurse in Promises, Promises.

Barbara Walters says she’s not worried about The Talk taking away attention from The View. Sara Gilbert’s show will air beginning next month.

There seems to be a Sapphically-related power struggle in the new film Crime d’Amour starring Kristin Scott Thomas and Ludivine Sagnier. The film will make its North American debut at TIFF.

Rizzoli & Isles had the best ratings of an ad-supported cable network show this summer. Speaking of, have you read our subtext recaps?

The second episode of Beyond the Space Bar with Megan and Lynn is up at The New Gay. They discuss queer identities on the internet.

365gay.com has four must-have fashion items that lesbians need for fall.

Meredith Baxter will be a judge on RuPaul’s Drag U next Monday on the episode “Mother vs. Daughters.” Catch it on at 9 p.m.

A Double Shot at Love’s Rikki is still in recovery from a car crash last spring that has left her with some damage to her brain, causing trouble with some motor skills, memory and facial expressions. She’s in good spirits, though, and taking photos of her shaved head post-surgery.

Bran Nu Dae, starring out singer Missy Higgins, and The Romantics, starring Anna Paquin, open today in select theaters.

Make sure to read Sarah Warn’s latest Good Game column, featuring news and reviews of Corporate Fury, Quantum Theory, Plants vs. Zombies and Disney Epic Mickey.

That’s it for this week! Got the inside scoop on a hot new lesbian/bi actor/musician/TV show/film? Tell us at [email protected]. Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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