Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (September 10, 2010): Siophie vs. Naomily, smoking makes you gay, Emma Watson’s still not a lesbian

How I Met Your Mother. The show’s new season premiere will include one of the guys’ ex-girlfriends who has since turned gay. I trust a show starring Neil Patrick Harris to not offend us horribly.

ACNE. The denim company has created a line for "transvestites and crossdressers," but they’re also ideal for the butch woman. Well, the rich butch woman.

Meghan McCain. John McCain‘s daughter went on The Rachel Maddow Show this week to talk about DADT, proving she’s still so much smarter than her father.

Oscar buzz for Natalie Portman. With Black Swan slaying in Venice and poised for a big follow-up at TIFF this month, it’s looking good for the ballerina with bisexual tendencies.

Deftones. The nu-metal band might be full of dudes, but they treated their gayish women well in the new video for "Sex Tape." It’s beautifully Sapphic and we don’t even have to mute to enjoy it.

DeAnne Smith. Lesbian relationships are so comical, we can’t help but LOL when we see it unfold between animated characters. Thanks to DeAnne, we can mock ourselves easier, or send the link to those who ask too many questions about what gay women, you know, do.

The xx. Romy Madley Croft is the out singer of England’s biggest band of the last year. This week, they won $30k and the Mercury Prize for it. Don’t spend it all on one andro haircut!

Jackie Warner. Thintervention looks like it might actually be more about the people trying to lose weight and less about Jackie’s dysfunctional life, but still featuring her abs. Win/win!

Coronation Street The teen lesbian storyline is going so well, we almost can’t believe it’s a soap opera.

Ellen DeGeneres. Her appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman reinforced that Ellen has a sense of humor about herself and that she’s married to a hot chick.

Homophobic athletes. Aussie swimmer Stephanie Rice used the "f-a-g" word on Twitter, so Jaguar dropped their sponsorship. She later apologized, but it could be only because she lost out on the cash. Also, sports commentators Floyd Marryweather and Dan Hampton used the same word on air. Someone take away their money!

Snooki’s Sapphic tendencies. New reports from Star magazine insist the reality star beds her cast mate Deena Cortese on a regular basis. Even if that’s true, we still don’t claim her. She’s a LUS &mdsah; Lesbian Until Sober or, as Tyra would say, a barsexual.

Cathedral High School. A Springfield, Mass. high school forced their lesbian dean to resign after she married her partner. So it was all good when she was gay, but not OK when she entered into holy matrimony. I’m not Catholic, but I’m pretty sure that deserves several Hail Marys.

Misleading lesbian-esque clips. The trailer for Never Let Me Go gave us a glimpse of a kiss between Keira Knightley and Carey Mulligan, but a longer clip lets us know it wasn’t anything romantic or sexual. What a let down!

Nicki Minaj. The MC is part of Out magazine’s new tastemaker issue. I suppose it doesn’t matter to them she feigned bisexuality until she became the biggest thing in hip-hop. I give them too much credit.

Matthew Lipman. Stereotyping all lesbians because of one experience with a lesbian doesn’t make your poem any better. Forgetting this writer exists starting right now.

Danielle Staub. We can’t ever get away from the hot mess and now, she’s saying she’s had several lesbian relationships in her lifetime. We’re not expecting any women to come forward and admit to it.

Target. With fall approaching, we need new wardrobes and mouthwash. Get it together and give us your money, already.

XBox. They might have been trying to prevent an anti-LGBT slur, but Microsoft acted prematurely when they suspended a user’s account for putting in that he lived in Fort Gay, W. Va. He really does live in Fort Gay, W. Va.

Rev. Terry Jones and his Dove World Outreach Center. Burning the Quran is the worst idea we’ve heard since this guy decided to name his church after a bird.

 

 

— by Trish Bendix

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