Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (August 20, 2010)



10. Vogue

The world’s most famous fashion magazine decided to put out women (Freja Beha Erichsen and Catherine McNeil) on the cover of three of their international September editions. I love when being gay is in vogue.

9. America’s Next Top Model

The lesbian contestant on the upcoming cycle of the show is also a waitress at Hooters in Rockford, Illinois. Big boobs don’t usually go over well in high fashion, and a runway walk probably isn’t the best choice for delivering food and drinks to tables in a crowded restaurant, so she probably isn’t well-suited to at least one of the two jobs.

8. Darren Aronofsky

After forcing us to wait (way too long) to see Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman make out, the director delivered a trailer for Black Swan that has us even more impatient, because now we’re waiting to see why Natalie’s character goes so nuts. Please don’t tell us it’s because Mila is A.) a lesbian stalker or B.) causing Natalie to have some sexual identity crisis that will make her world crumble.

7. Nan Flannagan

Another lesbian on True Blood? Score! And the fact that she’s the head of the American Vampire League means she can bite the thighs of gorgeous women in the back of her limo.

6. Rizzoli & Isles

Despite Angie Harmon‘s personal politics, she played gay and committed to it on this week’s episode, “I Kissed a Girl.” Although the killer was a lesbian, she didn’t seem to be motivated by anything other than good old-fashioned dollar signs. Equality!

5. Rooney Mara

After a mad race to play the bisexual hacker Lisbeth Salander, in the U.S. version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Rooney officially landed the role. Now she has to brush up on motorcycle riding, looking pissed off and making love to a woman. Surely there’s some angry dyke on a bike out there that could help in all areas.

4. Mad Men

The introduction of a lesbian character on the show has us giving the thumbs up, even though Peggy dismissed Joyce’s kiss. But since she’ll be back for a few more episodes this season, we’ll tune in to see if Joyce can work her magic on Christina Hendricks (Joan) instead.

3. Ellen and Portia

The couple celebrated two years of marriage this week, which is 20 years in lesbian time. Congrats to the happy couple, who surely deserves a big slice of vegan cake.

2. Anna Paquin

The True Blood star made posing in the (bloody) nude look sexy on the cover of Rolling Stone this week. She also said she was happy to come out as bisexual, which means we can continue to ignore the fact that she’s engaged to her male co-star for a little bit longer.

1. Rachel Maddow

The lesbian anchorwoman will receive the Walter Cronkite Award in October for her reporting on politics and religion. In other words, she’s willing to talk about all the things you’re supposed to shy away from and she’s being applauded for it. Way to push the envelope, RMad.

-1. Dr. Laura Schlessinger

The homophobic radio host is quitting after coming under attack for using racist language on air. Don’t let the door hit you on your way out!

-2. Danielle Staub

The allegedly bisexual reality star has been kicked off The Real Housewives of New Jersey and won’t return for a third season. This could only be worse if Bravo did this just so they could give her a new show with Lori Michaels that focused on their partnership and “singing careers.”

-3. Sam Ronson

Even though many share her sentiments about Tila Tequila not being, uh, awesome, it was still a shock to hear Sam say that she laughed at the picture of Tila’s bruised and beaten face after an attack she suffered in Illinois this week. Looks like Sam’s not big on empathy.

-4. Mary Cheney

She may be gay, but she’s OK with giving money to people who are against her getting married. Mary donated $500 to the campaign of anti-gay Republican Kelly Ayotte, which also leads me to believe she’s cheap.


-5. Evil bosses

Quitting your job is in fashion now, as long as you can still get a new job/unemployment. Suck it, Jet Blue. Now give me my due beer/severance!

-6. Evil ex-girlfriends

Mae Whitman‘s lesbian character Roxy Richter got the shaft in Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World; her ex-gf says she was only “bi-curious” when they dated. We know several more characters who it sucks to be in love with, and they have super powers of their own.

-7. The fashion industry

Gender-neutral clothing is in demand, but there’s not much supply. Where are the androgynous unisex clothes? They appear to be at your local vintage store, straight out of the 1960s.

-8. Piranha 3D

Lesbian and bi female characters are often in horror films and it’s usually because they’re getting killed for their evil deeds (i.e. being lesbian and bisexual). Something tells me that Kelly Brook and Riley Steele won’t fare too well in their underwater sex scene when the man-eating fishes lurk below.

-9. Katy Perry

In an attempt to get the lesbian crowd in her good graces, the “I Kissed a Girl” singer visited a ladies’ night in Australia where she posed for photos while smooching women. She then mentioned her beau, Russell Brand, and said after they marry she’ll only kiss girls when he’s watching. As opposed to only kissing girls in front of a camera? Dang, we totally thought you were genuinely interested in kissing girls, Katy. Foiled again!

-10. Rose Garcia

After the finale of The Real L Word, viewers could all agree on one thing: Rose straight up sucks. Natalie was so right to leave her ass at Dinah. But the post-show coverage indicates that they’re still an item. Natalie, get it together, girl!

— by Trish Bendix


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