I’ve been suffering with women recently. Once, I went out with a girl (let’s call her Cara) who was everything but nice to me. During sex, I’ve even felt violated, cause she didn’t respect my boundaries. That sucks, but I’m dealing with it. After that, I started seeing a girl (let’s call her Megan) who is very kind, intelligent and gentle. It was very nice to be with her, but we didn’t get exclusive. I traveled to another city for a couple of weeks and didn’t get to see Megan. When I came back, I discovered that Megan and Cara are seeing each other and things are kinda serious. I’m really sad for many, many reasons. First, I don’t want anyone I like to be with Cara, not even my friends. Second, it was so nice to be with Megan and I miss that. Losing Megan for Cara makes me feel very confused. What should I do?
Lesbian World Is So Small
You should do nothing.
It sucks to be the odd one out in a lesbian love triangle, but you weren’t exclusive with Megan, and Megan happened to meet Cara while you were out of town and now they’re together and you’re the odd one out.
I know it hurts to see someone you had a spark with find romance with someone you used to date. Especially if your ex didn’t treat you well and Megan is a gentle spirit. You must be worried that Megan is also getting mistreated by Cara.
However, you have no good options here. They’re a new couple, they’re having a lot of steamy sex, and Megan has demonstrated what she wants — Cara over you.
If Megan and Cara are “kinda serious” already, then I assume you’ve tried to see Megan again and she turned you down by telling you about her new relationship.
If you disclose to Megan that Cara did things in bed you weren’t comfortable with, she isn’t going to believe you because she’s riding the high of new relationship juju right now and she’s going to trust Cara over you.
I also wouldn’t talk to Cara about any of this, because the two of you had a toxic relationship and you don’t need to open that back up. Plus, Cara could be badmouthing you to Megan, and we already know where Megan’s trust lies.
The lesbian world is very small. Exes are going to sleep with exes. Hell, exes are going to sleep with your friends. You could have it worse: Cara could be dating your best friend right now and you could be smiling over the brunch table while and bemoaning to all your other pals how Cara is super creepy.
You could let Megan know that you’re up to reconnect if her circumstance change — at best, she’ll take you up on that later on, at worst she’ll be flattered that you like her that much — and then wish her well. Spend some time with your other friends. Move on however you move on, whether it’s going out dancing, working out, curling up with a book, hooking up with a new lady, or processing it with your best friend.
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